Blog #351                                November 30, 2023

 

I’ve told you that my daughter, Jennifer, and her husband, David, had qualified to represent the United States for pickleball in the Pan-American Maccabi Games in Buenos Aires in December.  The Maccabi Games are for Jewish athletes, but now, with the omnipresent, virulent antisemitism in the world, the pickleball competition has been cancelled.  It’s a huge disappointment to them.  And I had such a clever shirt designed for the Jewish pickleballers.  It said: Kosher Pickleball – It’s a Pretty Big Dill.  What a world!

 

We spent Thanksgiving in North Carolina with Jennifer and her family.  The company was special and the food was world-class.  And Carol shopped.  She likes to shop at a particular clothing store up there, so Wednesday morning I dropped her off, then went to Subway to drink a Diet Coke and read my book.  Her “mallgasm” lasted for over an hour, then she texted me to come get her.  I found her engaged in hand-to-hand combat with a mannequin.  My little shopper was trying to rip a jacket off the poor plastic creature.  It was the only jacket left in her size and she wanted it.  I tried to help, but the lady mannequin (should that be called a person-equin?) would not let go.  I pulled and yanked and pleaded, but the poor, lifeless thing would not give up its jacket.  We called for help, and a nice store employee came by, unscrewed the mannequin’s hands and removed the jacket.  Why didn’t I think of that?  There have been times in my life when I have struggled to remove clothing from a woman (always Carol of course), but I never thought about ripping her hands off.

 

Thank goodness we traveled home on Black Friday.  It kept Carol out of the stores.  Black Friday is the day that Americans concentrate on shopping and forget about war and crime and how many Congresspeople it takes to screw in a lightbulb.  Carol, like most women, loves to go shopping on Black Friday.  I would rather have my fingernails pulled out by Kim Jong Un.  The only thing I hate worse than Black Friday is Cyber Monday.  Keep the extra $200 I would save by fighting the Friday crowds or suffering the slings and arrows of an outrageous Internet.  I’ll be happy to pay a little more in exchange for some peace and personal service.  That’s just me.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  Tomorrow is December, and I hope you are feeling well and getting ready for the fabulous, magical holiday season beginning soon – Awards Season.  There are SAG Awards and Golden Globes, Oscar, Tony, Emmy, Grammy – and that’s just a few.  I have a new show I’d like to see:  The Dummy Awards.  Previous winners have been:

 

·        Will Smith for the What Was I Thinking Award

·        Jussie Smollett for the I Made All That Shit Up Award

·        Lori Loughlin for the Rowed to Glory Award

·        And the winner of the 2023 I Have Some Friends Who Are Jewish Award – Susan Sarandon.

 

Message from Shakespeare: To whom God will, there be the victory! (Henry VI, Part 3). I should get the Sylvester Award for the smartest three-legged cat in media.  After all, I have my own blog, don’t I.  I let Pops write most of it, but it’s still mine.  Purr.

 

Besides all those award shows, December brings cold weather.  Right now, it’s colder than a stethoscope!  It’s so cold I saw Elizabeth Warren go inside a tent to keep her Wig-Wam!  It’s so cold I saw Joy Behar snuggling up to Donald Trump because he’s so full of hot air!  Ok, that’s enough. 

 

Before the Thanksgiving weekend, all the media was screeching about how terrible the airplane travel was going to be.  We didn’t have any problems.  We flew to Raleigh-Durham on Tuesday and back on Friday.  Everything was exactly on time, no TSA delays, none of the traveler’s angst that was predicted.  The only problem was that I brought a dead squirrel on board and they charged me for carrion.

 

Our Weekly Word for this issue is angst, which is a deep anxiety or dread.  We did have some serious angst before we left for the trip.  Our main television went out, stopped, deader than Queen Elizabeth.  Carol wanted me to fix it.  Nothing good was ever going to come of putting a piece of electronic equipment in my hands.  I have no level of expertise, so everything is beyond it.  I have no pay grade, so everything is above it.  I have no league, so everything is out of it.  We called the Geek Squad and set up an appointment for three weeks from never.  Then Abby, my computer and media expert daughter, came over and diagnosed the problem.  Our cable box was dead.  We called Spectrum and waited three days, when a very capable young man came and made everything work.  Three days was a long time for my wife to be without her living-room television.  She was miserable.

 

She suffered without her TV

Three days of the worst tragedy

For until my sweet Fox

Got a new cable box

She had to spend more time with me.

 

I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  Before I let you go, I want you to explain to me why you clean your house right before the cleaning service arrives.  Don’t lie to me, I know you do it.  Why?  Do you mow your lawn the day before the landscape crew shows up?  Do you make the bed in a hotel room?  Do you brush your teeth longer and harder on the morning of your dental cleaning appointment?  Actually, I do that. 

 

Movie Review: The Holdovers, starring Paul Giamatti, was good.  You’ll like it.  Go see it.  I did not think it was “great”, but it was certainly better than the interminable drivel they call Coming Attractions that lasted as long as a hockey season.

 

This week I received so many messages from you wishing me a happy Thanksgiving.  Thank you.  Aren’t you special!  You are a loyal, if easily pleased, group, and I have truly appreciated your warmth.  Stay well, avoid angst and count your blessings.  One of my blessings has been the opportunity to visit with you every week.  Thanks, and come back next Thursday.  Please pray for Israel and the hostages.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com