Blog #349                                November 16, 2023

 

I have just begun to read a combination history and travel book entitled Cairo, about which the 14^th Century traveler Ibn Battuta said, “She shelters all you will of the learned and the ignorant, the grave and the gay, the prudent and the foolish, the noble and the base.”  Do you remember when gay meant lighthearted and carefree, when a tweet was the sound a bird made, when a Politician was someone smart and trustworthy?

 

Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you are feeling well and trying to stay calm among all this worldwide turmoil.  Maybe you should go to the symphony.  When I was rich, we used to go to the symphony.  Carol would get all gussied up in an elegant dress and her best jewelry.  I would have a glass of wine at the lobby bar, settle into my seat, close my eyes and listen to the serene music.  I might even fall asleep.  I mean, seriously, there isn’t anything to look at.  But I have learned a few things about the symphony:

 

·        Never applaud until everybody else does.  The music stops and you want to applaud, but if you’re the only one, you’ll look as conspicuous as a rabbi at a Hamas convention.

·        The concertmaster, the person who shakes hands with the conductor, is always a violinist, and that’s the only musician who gets to leave the stage between pieces.  I guess for a potty break.

·        The Symphony must really be hurting for money. They even revealed one of the cellos was 300 years old.

·        I think most of the instruments must be old.  That’s why they have to tune them so often.  I could save the Symphony some money.  I counted the violins (I count everything).  There were 30.  Come on, could you tell the difference between 30 violins and 28?  Fire two violinists and you could afford to buy a new cello.

 

It’s obvious that I have never been much of a classical music fan.  I’m a Rock ‘n Roll brat through and through.  But all my Rock ‘n Roll favorites are getting really old now and are having to come up with new songs to reflect their age.  Newies by the Oldies.  For instance,

 

·        Paul McCartney (81), like the rest of us, has been getting shorter with each added decade.  His new album is called Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m two-foot-four?

·        Paul Simon (82) now sings Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.

·        The Stones (Mick Jagger is 80) have Goodbye Senior Tuesday.

·        The Eagles (Don Henley is 76) have Welcome to the Nursing Home California.

·        And Elton John (76) has Bennie and the Stents.

 

Did I ever tell you the story about Bennie?  No, not Bennie and the Stents, a different Bennie.  For about five years, before Covid, I tutored inmates at the St. Louis County Justice Center, an institution which housed those who had been charged with a crime and were awaiting court disposition.  If you could not make bail, you might be there for months, sometimes years, waiting for your case to come up.  I tutored the inmates in math so they could pass a test and receive their High School Equivalency Certificates.  Most of my students were young men, some were older.  Some actually wanted the high school degree, others just wanted an excuse to get out of their pods for a few hours.  Some were difficult, rude, lazy.  Most were young, insouciant goof-offs just passing time.  95% of them were Black.

 

Bennie was about 35-years-old with a wife and two daughters – and the quietest, nicest, most cooperative person you could imagine.  And Bennie was the size of Mt. Rushmore!  Six-foot-nine, 290 pounds of hard muscle, Bennie was an imposing, but gentle, giant. I had worked with Bennie for five or six months and we got along well.  He liked to talk about his wife and his girls and how he was going to see them when he was released in February.  He was never a problem.  One day in January, the head teacher and I were going through the intensive and elaborate security routine required before we were allowed in the occupied areas, when we were grabbed by security guards who politely suggested that we should enter a storage closet.  All the security guards, men and women, were large, strong, heavily bedecked with spray cans and clubs and had not the slightest scintilla of a sense of humor.  We were locked into a closet where we could see but little out of a small window and could hear only a muffled version of the ensuing scuffle.

 

We learned later that Bennie was asked to arrive early for class where he was told by one of the guards that his February release date, the day he could be reunited with his family, had been delayed until sometime in June, and that’s when Bennie exploded like Mt. St. Helens.  While we waited in the closet, twenty guards with handcuffs, chains, clubs and pepper spray struggled for thirty minutes to get Bennie under control.  We were let out of the closet in time to see Bennie, strapped into a special restraint-chair, with cuffs around his wrists and ankles and straps across his chest, wheeled out of the area.  The guard suggested we cancel class for the day since the classroom was filled with pepper spray.  I never saw Bennie again.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief (Othello.)  This blog is so boring.  There’s nothing funny.  You should stop reading, but that would make Pops cry, so I’ll give you a few really funny jokes.  What’s a cat’s favorite cereal?  Mice Krispies.  And what’s a cat’s favorite color?  Purr-ple.  I’m good, right?  That’s why they call me Rodney Dangercat.  Purr.

 

Shakespeare is right.  I apologize for the long, saturnine story. 

 

I know that this blog has been boring

There’s nothing that’s cute or adoring

But it’s been a slow week

A drag, so to speak

And I’ll stop now before you start snoring

 

Take a nap.  I’ll see you next week.  Stay well, pray for Israel and count all your blessings on Thanksgiving.  That’s what it’s for.  Oh, and our Weekly Word is saturnine, which means dark and gloomy and sullen.  That’s all; you can go now.

 

Michael                          Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com