Blog #487 July 9, 2026
We all just celebrated the Fourth of July,
Independence Day. the 250th birthday of the United States of
America. We celebrated our flag and our
Constitution and our national Anthem. Do
you have a problem with any of that?
Well, some people do and they show it with protests and
demonstrations. But just like other
things, protests just aren’t what they used to be. In the 60s, we had real protests – fiery protests. Feminists burned their bras, young men
burned their draft cards, anti-war activists burned the flag, students burned
the ROTC building, blacks burned Watts and the occasional Buddhist burned
himself. Those were the days!
Everybody had a Zippo and they knew how to use it.
Nowadays, people don’t burn anything on the Fourth
except the burgers. But be careful! The golf, the fireworks, the barbecue -- they
could all kill you. Especially
golf! I used to play golf twice a week. I was never great. I was never horrible. But as the years go by and my age becomes four
times my handicap, I play less and worry less about my score. My friends are the same. Why worry about pars and birdies when you can
worry about tripping over your putter and breaking a hip. Or being thrown from a cart and gouging your
leg. Or driving into a lake and
drowning. Or having a heart attack from
the heat. It’s a par-72 jungle out
there! Now, a good day at golf looks
like this:
At
golf today nobody died
And
nobody fainted or cried
No
back pain, no scars
No
birdies or pars
So
all that was hurt was our pride.
Another dangerous summer activity is boating. Riding a boat
is great fun and brings out, mostly in men, some ancient instinct that has come
down to us from Ulysses that makes us believe we actually know how to tie a
knot and steer a boat. Of course I can’t
do any of that. I’m Jewish! If Jews could sail a boat, God would not have
had to part the Red Sea.
Hi there and welcome back. I hope you’re feeling well, and I hope you
had a great holiday celebrating our country’s semiquincentennial
celebration. Yes, that’s a word, our Weekly Word in fact, and it means,
obviously, a 250th anniversary.
None of us, most likely, will ever see that word again, but if you do,
remember who taught it to you.
Often, I have a reader ask me, “why don’t you ever
mention me in your blog?” It’s really
simple, I tell them. Just say something
outrageously stupid and that may get you in.
Usually that ends the conversation.
But recently, I did have a friend say something that shocked me. He said he didn’t think America was the best
place to live. Ok, here’s where I stand,
for better or worse. I’m a proud
American. I think it’s the best country
in the world and I will always root for the Americans. Certainly, there are times when I don’t like
the President or the laws that are passed or the decisions that are made. But that’s Democracy! I get to vote, and if I lose, I live with
it. And that’s what America is about.
Message from Shakespeare: Service and the loyalty I owe, In doing it, pays
itself (Macbeth). And
I’m a Yankee Doodle Pussycat. Some of
the Founders were related to me, like James Catison and Catrick Henry. But one relative I’m not proud of – Aaron
Purr. Meow.
I just received an email from a high-school friend, a
psychiatrist from Philadelphia. He told
me he was writing a book about mental illness and wanted to use a poem I had
written back in high-school. Why he has
saved one of my 60-year-old poems till now, I can’t say. Maybe he had a crush on me. I won’t bore you with the poem, but it was a
12-line rhyming version of the following joke:
A man took his wife to a faith-healer. “Guru,” he said, “my wife is sick.” The Guru looked into the woman’s tired and
swollen eyes and touched her pallid, shrunken skin and said, “No, my friend,
your wife is well. She only thinks
she’s sick.” A week later the man saw
the healer again. “Well,” said the Guru,
“is your wife better?” “She’s worse,”
said the man. “She thinks she’s dead.” It figures -- I finally get a poem published
and it’s in a book about mental illness!
Did you notice I used the
word till two paragraphs
earlier? The word is actually until. For a while, I tried writing ‘til, the apostrophe being my
sacrifice to the Grammar Gods, but I have decided to give in to the common
usage of till. I feel somehow dirty and weathered by that
decision, but life goes on, the language changes and we old dinosaurs of
diction must adapt or become extinct.
And speaking of words, a friend told me that some
woman on the TV used a word
with a C that was not rated G. There’s a limerick there somewhere, but you
only get one a week. Yes, my friend
said, she used the dreaded C-Word. “What,” I exclaimed, “Constipation?” Well, each generation has its own forbidden
words. When I was young, Hell, Damn and
Bitch were forbidden in my house. Lucy
and Desi were not allowed to share a bed.
And “gay” meant lively and carefree.
Things are certainly different today!
As the Wicked Witch of the West would say, “What a world!” Besides constipation, there is another
dreaded and forbidden word for those of the older generation. It’s the F-Word
– Fried Foods.
And you know what else
has changed? Toilets. Now, when I walk away from a
public urinal or seat, it flushes itself.
Then at the sink I just pass my hand under the soap dispenser and soap comes
out. I wave my hands under the faucet
and water comes out. I approach the
towel dispenser and towels come out. If
they could just figure it out so that if we waved our hands behind us, crap
would come out, then we wouldn’t need laxatives.
Ok, I’m talking about
toilets again, and that means it’s time to leave. See you next week. Stay well and count your blessings.
Michael Send
comments to mfox1746@ gmail.com