Blog #186

 

Last Sunday evening, Carol and I watched our Temple’s streamed Yom Kippur services.  Yom Kippur is the Jewish day of atonement where each Jew asks God to forgive his-or-her sins.  And God forgives us.  My question is – Can we forgive God?  Can we forgive God for the wholesale death and suffering brought on by Covid, for the disastrous forest fires and hurricanes, for the pervasive hatred that has infected our society and threatens to destroy friendships and families.  Can we?

 

Message from Shakespeare: Well, heaven forgive him! And forgive us all! Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall (Measure for Measure).  Meow!  How did I get involved in this heavy stuff?  I’m just a cat.  Every time my man mentions God, all I see is dog spelled backwards.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  Glad you could make it.  Sorry for the somber beginning, but those were the thoughts going through my mind during the service, and I like to share everything with you.  I hope you’re feeling well today and paying attention.  There are a lot of things going on out there and I have been paying attention.  Well, someone has to do it, so I’ll report a few things I have noticed recently.

 

Have You Noticed that it’s October?  October is an exciting month.  There’s Columbus Day with parades and macaroni and pizza.  No?  No Columbus Day this year?  Oh, I forgot, Columbus was a Racist piece of ziti who enslaved Indigenous Peoples.  Well, there’s always Oktoberfest where thousands of people get together for beer and bratwurst and polka.  No?  Not allowed this year?  Well, there must be Halloween with little children running around wearing masks.  No?  They call that school now?  Damn!  Well, let’s all go out and tear down a statue.  Welcome to October.

 

Speaking of cars – this is called a segue --I just got my new license plates.  My dark-gray Corolla looks like half the other cars in the parking lot, but I could always find it because I knew my license number.  Well, I used to.  They changed my numbers and now I have to memorize something new.  I’m miserable.

 

My new license plate is a shame

I wish they had left it the same

Now the numbers are new

I don’t know what to do

I can barely remember my name.

 

They should never change numbers on a senior citizen.  I suppose I should just get a vanity plate that says RAVEN or ISHMAEL or how about OYSTER?

 

Did you watch the Debate?  Of course you did.  The debates are useless.  We’ve known both these men for 40 years.  We know who they are; we know what they’ll do.  Do we watch so we can hear about their energy policy or the Paris Accords?  No, we want to sit there and scream at the one we hate the most.  You liar!  You fool!  I hate you!  I hope you make mistakes and look like an ass and fall down and have a stroke!  The debates are an anachronistic and hateful display of schadenfreude and a waste of time.  Carol made popcorn.

 

Weekly Word:  Schadenfreude is a word you need to know, especially during these argumentative and hate-filled times.  Schadenfreude, (pronounced shah-den-froid-uh) is the pleasure you get from seeing someone else suffer.  Like the joy you got Tuesday night when the other guy made made himself look foolish.  Shame on you!  Us! 

 

Have You Noticed that every time you go to a doctor’s office, they take your temperature?  When I was little, the nurse would stick a glass tube up my you-know-what.  Later they graduated to putting the glass tube under my tongue.  Gee, I sure hope it wasn’t the same glass tube.  Now, they just wave some gizmo at me and tell me my temperature is 37.  I know that’s Centigrade, but I wonder why.  I’m not in France or Guatemala or Abu Dhabi?  I’m in the USA, where the meteorologists tell us the forecast in Fahrenheit.  Where every recipe, every oven, every toaster contraption is calibrated in Fahrenheit.  Where water freezes at 32 and boils at 212.  So why is the nurse trying to confuse me?  If the medical community wants to conduct its affairs in the Wonderful World of Metric, great.  I don’t care.  But I would like to know what my temperature is.  Being a math nerd, I can do the conversion (9/5+32), but what if I couldn’t or if I made a mistake?  Then she told me my weight was 74.  Now that I didn’t mind.

 

I am now going to solve a serious problem brought about by the Covid Pandemic.  The problem occurs when you are taking a walk and another walker is approaching you on the same sidewalk.  The question is, which one should move into the street?  Well, you can’t just pass each other by as if it were 1 BC, the first year Before Covid.  You have to maintain the magical Six Feet of Separation.  Besides, there isn’t enough room for two people to tiptoe simultaneously around the multitudinous splotches of ever-present goose excrement.  Don’t you love when I talk dirty?

 

It’s easy to say the younger walker should move into the street, but not so easy to determine which is the younger, especially if you are old and your eyes aren’t what they used to be or if you have had a lot of plastic surgery and your eyes aren’t even where they used to be.  Maybe it should be the one who is walking faster or wearing the cutest hat, but that doesn’t work.  Should a man step aside for a lady?  Not in today’s world.  No, none of those things works, but the solution is simple.  Just carry a half-dozen everything bagels with you while you walk.  Not only will the other person move into the street at first whiff, but I think the smell kills coronavirus as well.

 

Have you noticed that this blog is too long?  I’ve been a little loquacious today, but what the hell else do you have to do?  Order more pills?  Stay well out there, my loyal readers.  Count your blessings and show patience to those with whom you disagree.  And come back to me next week; we need to talk.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to:  mfox1746@gmail.com