Blog # 187

 

“What a world, what a world.”  Famous line from a famous movie – can you guess who said it?  It’s true though.  Just reflect on what’s going on.  The world is infested with a horrible pandemic.  People are afraid to go out, to shop, to breathe.  Schools are closed and parents have to rethink their whole lives.  It’s an election year.  One of the candidates is a President that is hated by 75% of his own country and the other is an old man whose abilities are in question.  Ruth Bader Ginsburg died.  The economy sucks, with people on unemployment and small businesses closed and people’s lives ruined.  And now the President contracts Covid and the Media is figuring out how this will make Nancy Pelosi president.  Then the President recovers and the media is outraged that he didn’t have the common decency to die.  We need Dorothy to toss a bucket of water over this whole mess like she did to the Wicked Witch of the West, who responded by saying, as she melted away, “What a world! What a world!”

 

I just want to hide in a cave and shield myself from it all.  I want to read and talk to you all and play with Shakespeare, but the world is too much with me.  I want my psychiatrist back.  That was in 2007.  I’m not even sure he was a psychiatrist, maybe a psychologist, but he helped me stop drinking and stop listening to Alice’s Restaurant and I enjoyed talking to him. 

 

Do you know who the first psychiatrist was?  It was Snow White.  It’s true!  Snow asked her first seven patients if they were Happy.  Only one of them said yes.  Well, she felt sorry for them and asked all seven to come live with her.  Snow was a little kinky.  Her house was tiny, so to fit them all in she used one of her Snow White Privilege magic potions to make them smaller.  And that is why, to this day, psychiatrists are called shrinks.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  When we are born, we cry, that we are come to this great stage of fools (King Lear).   They are all fools -- the politicians, the reporters, most dogs and certainly my Man.  But he feeds me and keeps me warm.  I guess I’ll keep him.

 

Hi there and welcome back to your refuge of insane humor and general goofiness. You’re Special!  That’s what the little pamphlet that was hidden in my library book said.  It went on with some religious stuff, and that’s ok, but it was just nice to be told that I was special.  So, listen up – you’re special.  You take the time each week to read my silly ramblings and that makes you special to me.  I’m glad you’re here and I hope you are feeling well.  Are you ready for a tricky little thought-question?  

 

Three small lifeboats are stranded with no food, five days from shore.  Boat One has ten Socialists.  They will surely starve.  But they would never choose to eat one of their companions.  That’s barbaric!  Disgusting! Not fair to the one who is chosen!  We’re all in this together.

 

We’re starving and all in a panic

We feel like we’re on the Titanic

But I’d rather die

Than munch on your thigh

My God, you’re not even Organic!

 

Five days later, Boat One drifts into shore with ten altruistic, but very dead Socialists.  Boat Two has ten Capitalists faced with the same dilemma.  That’s barbaric!  Disgusting! Not fair to the one who is chosen!  We’re all in this together.  Who should we eat?  So they draw straws and, five days later, drift into shore with nine well-fed, self-serving Capitalists and a grease spot on one of the benches.   But they have good consciences, although, as Steven Wright said, “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”

 

Boat Three has ten Antifa members.  They do not starve.  They drown because, after ten minutes at sea, they start to protest their situation by setting fire to the boat.

 

Which boat would you choose to be on?  As Ishmael said in Moby Dick, “Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.”   Sorry, that whole boat thing was a little weird, wasn’t it?  Don’t pay any attention to me.  Some forms of madness are better left undisturbed (Kapka Kassabova).

 

Weekly Word:  an altruistic person is someone who is unselfish and shows a great concern for the well-being of others.  An altruistic person wishes that every person with Covid makes a full and speedy recovery.  Even HIM.   

 

Like last week, I have spent this week paying attention to our challenging and disturbing world so you wouldn’t miss a thing.  Here’s what I found:

 

Have You Noticed that each day seems like every other day?  I can only tell what day it is by looking at my pill-box.  If Tuesday is the last empty cubical, then it’s Wednesday.

 

Have You Noticed that every week there is a drug bust where the Police find $400,000 in cash and $500,000 worth of drugs in a car that was pulled over for not replacing a $29 tail light?  Maybe the drug dealers should use Uber.

 

Have You Noticed that the mail is pretty much all junk?  Cruise-line catalogs, hearing-aid ads, health insurance promos, invitations to wealth-management seminars. My mail today consisted of two pieces, and this is the absolute truth – one was a large envelope addressed to me with the return-address spot filled by large, black letters spelling out DONALD J. TRUMP.  The other was a similar envelope, similar size, same large, black letters, but these spelled NANCY PELOSI.  I cut out the Trump name and mailed it to Nancy and mailed Pelosi’s name to Trump.    

 

Have You Noticed that anytime a Democrat dies, he-or-she was a Cultural Icon, but anytime a Republican dies, he-or-she was a Controversial Figure?

 

Well, I am certainly a controversial figure, as many of you have stated in your comments (I love your comments), so I’ll stop now and let you put me in my place.  But not before telling you to stay well, count your blessings and come back to see me next week.  My place will be right here next week.  Make sure it's yours.  And don’t forget, it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. 

 

Michael                           Send comments to:  mfox1746@gmail.com