Blog #353                                December 14^th, 2023

 

It’s been a slow week.  My date with Taylor Swift was cancelled, so I guess I have more time to write to you.  Too bad, I was going to take Taylor bowling.  That’s what Carol and I did on our first date, and we’ve been together 56 years. 

 

Tomorrow will be the end of Hanukkah, that wonderful Jewish holiday that comes between Thanksgiving and Christmas and celebrates the rededication of the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem.  It also commemorates the Hanukkah Miracle by which a small amount of oil, enough to give light for one day, miraculously lasted eight days.  My granddaughter suggested that was akin to having your cellphone work all day on 1% battery charge.  She’s very modern.

 

The celebration lasts eight days, which allows you to spell Hanukkah a different way each day and to receive eight different presents.  Which is why, with all due respect to my Jingle Bell friends, Hanukkah is better than Christmas.  You see, if on Day One of Hanukkah you receive a present from a loved one that is way better than the one you gave her, you have seven more days to go shopping and buy her something appropriate.  But if that should happen on Christmas, you’re out of luck and you’ll be in more trouble than the President of Harvard.

 

I have been very busy with my Hanukkah shopping, and I know I’ve spent way too much money.  Presents are for kids.  Like my grandchildren, like my children, like me.  Women tend to be more mature, so I only got my wife one little thing – one little, practical, inexpensive, boring thing.  She’ll hate it of course.  She probably already knows what it is and wants to return it before I waste my time wrapping it.  She always hates what I get her.  Too bad, because it’s really fun buying people presents.  I saved the receipt. 

 

Hi there and welcome back?  I hope you’re feeling well and looking forward to Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Years and National Monkey Day, which is today.  I’m not sure how to celebrate National Monkey Day, but it sounds more festive than National Ding-A-Ling Day, which was Tuesday.  I’m not making these up, you know.  You celebrate National Ding-A-Ling Day by calling someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time.  I don’t get it.  If I cared about them, I would have called them long before this.

 

No, I’m not being curmudgeonly.  Well, not yet.  National Curmudgeons Day isn’t until January 29^th.  I’m actually feeling kind of chipper this week.  In fact, I’m as happy as a chicken on Thanksgiving morning.  I’m as happy as a dog with two tails.  I’m as happy as a recruiter who gets paid to replace chancellors of Ivy League schools.  Why am I so happy?  Because I did not participate in Cyber Monday.  Did you?  It’s not really a popular holiday for old people.  Especially people like me who think PayPal and eBay are the Scylla and Charybdis of the modern world.  Sorry, I have a penchant for obscure Odyssean references?  I think old people (you know who you are) should have their own set of holidays.  Not Black Friday or Cyber Monday or National Monkey Day.  How about Medicare Monday or Stool Softener Saturday?  I had one for Friday, but I forget.  Oh yes, Forgetful Friday.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  She hath often dreamt of unhappiness, and waked herself with laughing (Much Ado About Nothing).  I am happy as a cat in sunshine.  Pops says that National Cat Day is in October, but to me National Three-Legged Cat Day is every day when you have a nice home and a warm lap to sleep on. Purr.

 

I have found some reasons that old folks should be happy.  We don’t have to get up and go to work, for one.  And then there are the random opportunities to make a little cash.  I was with my daughter at the grocery store, and when we checked out, she got a senior discount because I was with her.  Aha!  I have an idea.  I will stand outside the grocery store with a sign:

 

In the dairy food or lima bean aisle

Or cruising the organic green aisle

Just take this old gent

And you’ll save 10%

For shopping with someone who’s senile.

 

I’ll get half of the savings.  We’ll call it Shop with Pop.   You’ve heard of Aldi’s?  Well, this is Oldies.

 

There was a special on Public Television last week celebrating the last 50 years of Broadway musicals.  One of the songs was Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina from Evita.  The music from Evita is wonderful, but it has never been one of my favorites.  There’s nobody to like in Evita.  Juan Peron was a murdering Fascist pedophile.  Eva was a lying power-hungry whore.  Che was a brutal and dirty Communist.  Not exactly Huey, Dewey and Louie.  I bet they’d fit in perfectly with the people running for President.

 

Weekly Word: Penchant is a strong or habitual liking for something or tendency to do something.  I have a penchant for going to fun parties, and last Saturday, we went to an 80^th birthday party for a friend, an ex-pro football player.  The party was a blast, with a band and BBQ and 200 people.  One of the highlights was the house where the party took place.  It was the home of the Birthday boy’s son and was full of unique features and surprises.  Huge stone fireplaces, outdoor pool and sauna, a party room the size of a basketball court, closets that could house a circus troupe, 77” televisions.  And the best?  Secret rooms.  Two were behind paneled sections that turned out to be secret doors and one, a bar capable of seating 25 people, was accessible by pulling a large painting away from the wall.  It was so exotic, I thought we were in the Bruce Wayne Mansion and the secret doors led to the Bat Cave.  We had a great time.

 

And I hope you had a great time reading this week’s blog.  Stay well, count your blessings and have a wonderful holiday.  May the star on your Christmas Tree shine with love and may your dreidel spin forever.  So pray for Israel and the hostages and be sure to come back to me next week. 

 

Michael                                             Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com