Blog #322                                May 11, 2023

 

Sunday is Mothers’ Day, the day we hug our Moms if they’re around and remember them if they’re not.  My Mom was very loving and very smart.  She taught me to play Bridge and Canasta and Mahjong and Hearts.  She went bowling with me.  She taught me to look up a word if I didn’t understand it.  To the end of her life, if she and I disagreed about the use of a word, the night would not end without getting a call from my Mom.  She had looked it up in the dictionary (remember dictionaries?) and wanted to tell me who was right.  It was usually her.  She died when I was 49.  Hi, Mom.

 

I was her favorite, of course, but that wasn’t very hard.  My competition was a lovable, eccentric, artistic older brother who was probably gay, although none of us knew about such things back then, and a lunatic older sister.  My brother married a woman my mother hated, and the loveless marriage lasted six months.  My sister, when she was 45, married a 94-year-old man.  It’s a long story.  But her perfect child was me, and I brought her an absolutely perfect daughter-in-law and three adorable grandchildren on whom she doted.  Did I say hi, Mom?  Hi, Mom; happy Mother’s Day.

 

My parents and siblings are gone now, but I have four mothers in my family, my wife and three daughters, and they are all fabulous.  So happy Mother’s Day to all of them too, and in honor of all mothers everywhere, I’ll give you one of those Rock ‘n Roll quizzes you all hate.   Hey, we don’t have to like the same things.  My wife loves The View and watches it religiously.  I watch it religiously too – I get down on my knees and pray that the cable goes out.  I know many of you love The View, and I’m guessing there are plenty of things I like that you don’t, like Moby Dick and The Raven and those little canned wieners we used to call Vienna Sausages.  They’d come five or six in a can packed in some slimy goop.  You’d grill them on a piece of aluminum foil, turning them over after they started to blacken.  Then cut them in half and slice up pickles so the pickle was the same size as the wiener pieces.  Fork a pickle and a wiener together and plunge them into your mouth.  Heaven!  My wife thought they were disgusting.

 

 

 

 Here's the quiz, finally.  In what song will you find these lyrics?

 

1.     Mama Pajama rolled out of bed

2.     Mama Leone left a note on the door

3.     I told your mama that you’d be in by ten

4.     Mama, just killed a man.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you’re feeling well.  There are other special days this week besides Mother’s Day, including National Eat What You Want Day, which is today, and National Limerick Day, which is tomorrow.  I am not making any of these up.  Since I have written, in my letters and blogs, a total of 1,357 limericks so far, they’ll probably name me the honorary King of National Limerick Day.  I’d rather eat what I want.

 

My eye issues have kept me away from volunteering at the St. Louis Zoo for quite a while, but last week I went for the first time in nine months.  I went to see a preview of the new bird show.  The preview was for employees and volunteers and was being held in the Sea Lion Arena, something in the shape of the Hollywood Bowl, only much, much smaller.

 

The show was named Winging It and starred a red-tailed hawk, a barn owl, a night heron, an African gray parrot, a white-bellied stork and a huge bald eagle, each appearing alone and flying from trainer to trainer over the audience.  Very impressive, especially the gorgeous eagle.  But there was a problem.  The arena is surrounded by large trees which are home to birds called grackles, black birds that look like crows and hang around the Zoo stealing French fries from the tourists.  It is springtime now, so it’s likely that Mr. And Mrs. Grackle have a few little gracklettes in the nest that they need to protect, so every time one of the show’s raptors took flight, it was attacked by two or three grackles who would peck at the larger bird’s tail and try to drive it away.  We all felt terrible for the stars of the show, innocently performing their tricks while being harassed by these grim, ungainly, gaunt and ominous birds of yore (a little Raven there).  I suppose there is no solution except relocating the grackles to a safer neighborhood.

 

I had a wonderful time at the Zoo, and when I got home and described the whole adventure to my wife, she said, “What is that?”  I looked at the shoulder of my nice white shirt and discovered a splotch of eagle-poop.  Hey, it’s a jungle out there.  But the birds were magnificent! 

 

They gambol and swivel and swoop

And fly round your head in a loop

Then finish their game

By taking dead aim

And hitting your face with some poop.

 

That makes 1,358.  I’m tired now, tired as a centipede’s pedicurist, so let’s get some important things out of the way so we can wrap up.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  Is the jay more precious than the lark, because his feathers are more beautiful? (Taming of the Shrew).  What’s all this love affair with birds?  Doesn’t he have the most beautiful, lovable, loyal and smart animal right here in his house?  You bet your fur he does.  Purr.

 

Movie Review:  We saw Air, starring Matt Damon.  It was terrific.  True story, feel-good flick, great acting.  Nothing not to like here. See it.

 

Gambol is a great Weekly Word.  It means to skip and dance around in play.

 

Here are the answers to the quiz:

 

1.     Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard – Paul Simon (1972)

2.     Movin’ Out – Billy Joel (1977)

3.     Wake Up Little Susie – Everly Brothers (1957)

4.     Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen (1975)

 

Now that all that’s done, we can say goodbye.  Stay well, count your blessings, remember your Mom and get your butt back here next Thursday.  I’ll be waiting.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com