Blog #234                                         September 2, 2021

 

I want the streets repaired.  I want the banks and utilities regulated.  I want to be protected from criminals and foreign powers.  I want a lot of things, but I can’t do these things by myself, and neither can you.  So we all get together and hire people to do these things for us.  We hire them by electing them to office and we pay them with our taxes.

 

Each of us is the CEO, the Chief Election Officer, of our subdivision, our school board, our city, state and country.  It’s up to us.  We hire the best and the brightest and the most likable people we can find and the instant they start the job, we hate them.  The people we hire, instead of being just some chosen one of us, immediately become THEM!  They can’t do that; they can’t tell us what to do; we need to get rid of them.  But it’s not them that are running things.  It’s not some gang of Hapsburgs who have been dropped from the annals of history to enslave us.  It’s us.  We elected them.

 

And if your candidate did not win, well, you’re in the minority.  You can vote again next time and you can try to persuade your friends and neighbors.  Instead, nowadays, the minority immediately begins to defame, attack and attempt to remove whoever won.  It’s counter-productive, divisive and petulant.  They did it to Trump; now they’re doing it to Biden.  Isn’t politics fun?

 

And isn’t Limerick Oyster fun?  I’m glad you’re back.  Hi there and welcome.  I hope you are feeling well?  Are you wearing your masks and getting your shots and washing your hands?  That hand-washing thing is very important, especially after handling any currency.  The famous faces on those bills that have been in circulation for years are likely smeared with a nasty patina of scum, filth and just plain yuck!

 

On Hamilton’s face is a plant

I’d try to describe but I can’t

There’s something on Lincoln

That’s slimy and stinkin’

And schmutz on Ulyssess S. Grant.

 

 

A few years ago, when I was driving my grandson to Pre-School each day, we would always arrive early.  Punctuality is the Politeness of Kings.  That was actually the quip under my picture in the High School Yearbook.  Can you believe that?  After three years, they did not have one nice thing to say about me except, “The bastard was on time.”  But am I bitter after 58 years?  Does a bear hibernate?  

 

Anyway, since we were early, my grandson and I would play in the car.  One day, he was a Jedi and used a soda straw as his light saber to slice up the evil Darth Vader (that was me).  I put a small, round, orange sticker on my nose to show where he wounded me and I howled in mock pain.  Great fun.  From there, I went to the cable company to talk about my bill, Walmart to buy some things, the Post Office to mail a package and the bookstore to browse.  I bought a small book and, as I was checking out, the clerk said, “You know you have a round sticker on your nose?”  I presume that the previous three people with whom I had had close dealings did not think it odd for an old man to be wearing an orange dot on his nose. Perhaps they thought I was a Hindu woman with bad aim.  Was I mortified?  Not a bit.  Blessed are they that can laugh at themselves, for they will never cease to be amused.

 

The reason I brought this up was because at dinner the other night, I saw my wife examining her face in the reflection on a butter knife.  Yes, a butter knife!  Who does that?  A butter knife!  You see, a woman never goes more than two minutes without examining her reflection in a wall mirror, compact, rear-view mirror, puddle, store window, someone else’s sunglasses or, failing any of those, the nearby cutlery.  It is unimaginable that a woman could visit four stores not knowing that there was an orange sticker on her nose.  Or that she was wearing one brown shoe and one black shoe.  I confess to that one too.  Well, it was dark that morning.

 

I just ordered my wife some makeup product on Amazon.  The product was advertised as Gluten Free and Cruelty Free.  I was confused by the cruelty-free part, so I looked it up.  Cruelty-free means no animal experimentation.  What?  They experiment by trying the products on animals?  They put blush on a thrush?  Mascara on a capybara?  Booster on a rooster?  Stain on a crane?  I know, I’m weird.

 

Message from Shakespeare: God has given you one face and you make yourself another (Hamlet).  I have big eyes surrounded by hair, so I don’t need eye makeup.  Some nail polish might be nice, green to match my eyes.  With only three legs, I won’t need much.  Purr.

 

Let’s talk about The Assassins’ Club.

 

·        On September 5, 1975, Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme pointed a loaded gun at President Ford.  She was convicted of attempted assassination and sentenced to life in prison.  She was released in 2009 and moved to New York where she lives with her boyfriend in a house decorated with skulls.

·        On September 22, 1975, Sara Jane Moore fired a shot in an attempted assassination of President Ford.  She was released from prison in 2007 and lives in North Carolina.

·        On March 30, 1981, John Hinckley, Jr. shot President Reagan.  He spent 34 years in a mental institution and was released in 2016, whereupon he moved in with his mother in Virginia.

·        On June 6, 1968, Sirhan Sirhan assassinated Robert F. Kennedy and was sentenced to life in prison.  A California Parole Board has just recommended that Sirhan be released on parole.

 

How nice.  Maybe the four of them could get together, maybe at Squeaky’s Skull House, play a little mahjong (boys against girls) and talk about the good old days.  What kind of ridiculous country lets four assassins loose?  Now, I’ve heard, the four of them are starring in a new Netflix series.  It’s called Up Your Assassin.

 

Ok, you can go now.  I apologize if, in this issue, I have been a bit petulant, which means bad-tempered and childish (our Weekly Word, of course).  Stay well; stay away from hurricanes and forest fires and the Taliban.  And count your blessings.

 

Michael                          Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com