Blog #190

 

My granddaughter-Charley dragged me down in her basement the other day to show me her video games.  All the kids love to play their games on the Wii or the X-Box or on their phones.  “Look Poppy,” she said, and showed me a new game character she had created.  He was called Poppy and wore a yellow shirt (my favorite color) and had gray hair.  He also had an impressive collection of wrinkles.  I turned to Charley and asked if all those wrinkles were necessary.  She examined my face closely, smiled and said, “Yes.”  That’s ok, a grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart.  I watched her play a game with the new character.  There he was, wrinkles and all, limping around the course and taking all the wrong exits.  Go, Poppy!

 

The grandkids, of course, don’t understand how frightening getting old is for us.  They are different; they want to get older. 

 

Kid:  Yay! Another year closer to getting my driver’s license. 

Grandparent:  Oy! Another year closer to losing my driver’s license.

Kid:  Yay! Another year closer to moving into a home of my own.

Grandparent:  Oy! Another year closer to moving into a home.

Kid:  Yay! I’m getting taller. 

Grandparent: Oy! I’m getting shorter.

Kid:  Yay! I’m growing up so fast.

Grandparent:  Oy! She’s growing up so fast.

 

Last week, I went to an antique show and someone bid on me.  Well, my motto is, You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.

 

Message from Shakespeare, Part 1:  Youth is full of sport, age’s breath is short; youth is nimble, age is lame.  Youth is hot and bold, age is weak and cold; youth is wild, and age is tame (The Passionate Pilgrim).

 

Hi there and welcome back to my asylum.  I’ve got a lot to talk about, so strap yourself in.  I hope you’re feeling well.  Do you realize that in a few days, monstrous villains and ghouls will be out in the streets wearing masks and scaring the bejeebies out of you?  No, not Halloween, I’m talking about Election Day.

 

But first is Halloween.  Are you ready?  Do you have your Halloween masks picked out?  Oh, I forgot, you’re already wearing a mask.  When this whole thing is over and we can all get together again, I’m not sure I will recognize you without a mask.  That same granddaughter, Charley, is having her Bat Mitzvah next month.  The Bar Mitzvah (for a boy) or Bat Mitzvah (for a girl) is a Jewish coming of age ceremony which requires years of study and the performing of religious services in English and Hebrew.  Family and friends are invited and receive a yarmulke (a cap worn by Jewish men during prayers) inscribed with the child’s name and the date of the ceremony.  I have four different ones from the four of my grandchildren who have already been Bar or Bat Mitzvah’d.  This time, instead of a cap, the guests will receive a mask inscribed with the name and date.  A mask!  My, how our world has changed.

 

Message from Shakespeare, Part 2:   I’m Jewish, you know.  My full name is Shakespeare Catz.  When I grow older, I’ll invite you to my Cat Mitzvah.

 

And I guess Halloween-2020 will be a bit different as well.  I’m not really sure how the world is going to celebrate.  Nobody wants to receive goodies that may not have been sanitized or greet germy little children at their front door.  And Covid is not the only thing to worry about.

 

The candy they thought would just thrill us

We tested for Covid bacillus

Then x-rayed as well

But hey what the Hell

The sugar will probably kill us.

 

Carol and I have our costumes ready.  I’m going as Mitch McConnell and she’s going as Nancy Pelosi, and that makes sense.  My nonpareil wife is certainly the Speaker of Our House and I’m just a crotchety old fool.  At first, Carol wanted to go as Joy Behar, but I told her that was too frightening.

 

Weekly Word:  Nonpareil means without equal; there’s no comparison.  Didn’t there used to be nonpareil candy?  Little round chocolates with white sugar dots on top?  They came in a vertical box stacked up like Pringles, but I liked the ones without the sugar dots.  I’ve forgotten what the brand name was?  Anybody remember?

 

Halloween will be a small distraction, but I still have a lot of free time now as all my previous activities remain suspended.  I know what I’ll do.  I’ll start a rock band for old people.  I don’t read music, I don’t play an instrument and I can barely sing.  Perfect!  First, we have to pick a name.  I have a few in mind: The Grand-Mamas and the Grand-Papas -- Peter, Paul and Methuselah -- The Rolling Kidney Stones -- Sonny and Wheelchair.

 

Is all this politics and Covid making you crazy?  Some of you, I think, were crazy to begin with.  And others of you have let your anger and frustrations take over your lives.  That’s not healthy.  The Bible asks, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”   If I may be allowed to give you some humble advice, you can’t let the politicians and the media and the pandemic destroy you.  Find a place in it, love your families, tolerate your friends.  The election is next Tuesday and your side might lose.  Deal with it.

 

“In an American election, there are no losers because whether or not our candidates are successful, the next morning, we all wake up as Americans.  And that is the greatest privilege and the most remarkable good fortune that can come to us on Earth.”

 

John Kerry said that in 2004, the year he lost to George W. Bush.  Whoever wins, count your blessings and concentrate on making yourself and your loved ones happy.  That’s my recommendation.  I’ll send you a bill.  Or maybe I’ll just send you next week’s blog.

 

Until then, stay well and, no matter who wins, get your spirits up and ready for some more fun next week.  You’ve been with me for 190 weeks; you can make one more.  Oh, and count your blessings.  It never hurts to say it twice. 

 

Michael                          Send comments to:  mfox1746@gmail.com