Blog #113

Most animals are not social.  They are solitary or live in family groups.  The thousands of bees in a beehive are all sisters.  A pride of lions are all related, as are packs of wolves or groups of chimpanzees.  When an outsider invades the family territory, there is violence.  Humans used to be wary of social integration as well, living in small family groups and warring with outsiders, but we are now a social species.  We leave our house every day and react with many other humans.

And what do we get for it?  Hurricanes, floods, measles.  Car jackings, gang violence, David Duke.  School shootings, synagogue shootings, cable companies that offer a discount to new customers but not to loyal ones.  Each day it is getting scarier to leave the house.  And how has our society reacted?  By staying at home. 

We don’t really need to go out anymore, do we?  We can already work from home, get books on line, have groceries delivered.  Amazon will deliver anything, anywhere in the world.  Pizza is delivered, Chinese food is delivered, the newspaper is delivered.  There’s no reason to leave home. Even Limerick Oyster is delivered to your phone every Thursday morning!  And here we are.  Let’s get started.

Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you’re feeling well.  The only things I can not get at home are my grandchildren.  I was with Grandchildren #5 (Charley, she’s 11) and #6 (Austin, he’s 9) the other day.  I was telling Charley that she had her Nonnie’s genes and so would grow up to be beautiful, fast and would hog all the closets.  Then Austin said, “And I have your genes, Poppy, so I’ll grow up to be a wrinkled, old smart guy.”  He loves me!  Austin actually said those exact words.  Grandchildren are brutal, but wonderful!

They shoot at my face with a gun

Drill holes in my toes when they’re done

They scream and they cry

And poke sticks in my eye

I never have had so much fun.

Speaking of Grandparents and Parents, next Sunday is Mother’s Day, the day we hug our Moms if they’re around and remember them if they’re not.  My Mom was very loving and very smart.  She taught me to play Bridge and Canasta and Mahjong and Hearts.  She taught me to look up a word if I didn’t understand it.  To the end of her life, if she and I disagreed about the use of a word, the night would not end without getting a call from my Mom.  She had looked it up in the dictionary and wanted to tell me who was right.  It was usually her.  She died when I was 49.  Hi, Mom.

I was her favorite, of course, but that wasn’t very hard.  My competition was a lovable, eccentric, artistic older brother who was probably gay, although none of us knew about such things back then, and a lunatic older sister.  My brother married a woman my mother hated, and the loveless marriage lasted six months.  My sister, when she was 45, married a 94-year-old man.  It’s a long story.  But her perfect child (that would be your loyal correspondent) gave her an absolutely perfect daughter-in-law and three adorable grandchildren on whom she doted.  Did I say hi, Mom?  Hi, Mom.

Now I have four mothers in my family, my wife and three daughters, and they are all fabulous.  In honor of Mother’s Day, I’ll give you one of those Rock ‘n Roll quizzes that you hate.  Just skip over it.  In what song will you find these lyrics?

1.     Mama Pajama rolled out of bed

2.     Mama Leone left a note on the door

3.     I told your mama that you’d be in by ten

4.     Mama, just killed a man.

Last Saturday, May 4^th was Star Wars Day.  Seriously!  May the 4^th be with you, right?  So, it’s Star Wars Day.  I celebrated by taking my two local grandsons to a movie.  There was no Star Wars movie out, so we saw Avengers: End Game.  Since it was such a popular flick, I decided I had to buy the tickets online.  What a hassle!  I could have gotten a CIA Security Clearance in less time.  I had to pick the theater, the time and the seats.  Plus, I had to let the computer god know that I had a frequent movie card so they wouldn’t add on a service charge.  This was high drama and made me as nervous as an ant at an aardvark convention.  Plus, while you’re picking everything out, there’s a countdown timer on the screen warning you that if you’re not completely finished in five minutes, you lose.  It was like the thing on the right side of every CNN program telling you how long it is till the next time William Barr gives Jerry Nadler the finger.

But I followed the directions assiduously and seemed, within the time limit, to have gotten everything I wanted.  I was as happy as a chimpanzee who had just locked the Zookeeper in.  On the morning of the movie, I checked the receipt on my phone four times to make sure I had the right date, time and theater.  I have a consistent history of messing this kind of thing up, and I was certain I had inadvertently gotten a reservation at a theater in Mumbai.  But we got to the theater and everything worked, except it was a 3D showing.  When did they ask me that?  Well, the boys loved the 3D and by the end of the three hours, I had gotten used to it.  You can get used to a lot in three hours.  Not a jack-hammer or Joy Behar, but a lot of things.

What a blockbuster!  It stars every actor in Hollywood and has made almost as much money as the Jeopardy guy.  We liked it.  Here are the answers to the quiz:

1.     Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard – Paul Simon (1972)

2.     Movin’ Out – Billy Joel (1977)

3.     Wake Up Little Susie – Everly Brothers (1957)

4.     Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen (1975)

I guess I’m out of words, so let’s stop.  Stay well, count your blessings and come back next week.  And don’t forget to say hi to your mom.  Hi, Mom.

Michael                          Send comments to:  mfox1746@gmail.com