Blog #485                                         June 25, 2026

 

Last week, if you remember, I said that making fun of your wife was as old as Adam, and we eavesdropped on a few conversations between God and Adam.  And since I didn’t get hit by lightning, we might as well try another.  Here it is.

 

“Hi, God, it’s Adam again.  I don’t know what to say, God.  I told you what a horrible mistake it was to create that woman, but in the past week or so I’ve gotten used to her a little.  I mean she’s annoying and a real pain in the rib, but she’s taken up gardening and I’ve learned how to hunt and we pretty much stay out of each other’s way.  But then, God, you made an even worse mistake.  You made another woman!  Now everyone’s miserable.  Now she wants a new cold shoulder fig-leaf outfit.  Something called Figtoria’s Secret.  And she wants a nicer donkey – something German.  Why don’t You just make two more of them and then create a mahjong set and a card table and that will get them out of my hair.”

 

Message from Shakespeare, the three-legged cat: “All of Creation’s a farce. Man was born as a joke”.  When did God create cats?  I’ll bet cats were created before people.  That’s why we’re smarter and faster and better looking than people.  Even with three legs, I’m faster than Pops.  Purr.

 

Hi there and welcome back to my wifty craziness.  Have you been watching the World Cup soccer games?  What a spectacle!  The pomp and circumstance are explosive – flags and crowds and songs and more.  And when they play the national anthems, the players don’t mouth the words or take a knee – they scream out the words to their country’s song as loud as they can.  Each game is like its own Super Bowl.  And there are 104 of them.  That’s right, 104 World Cup games.  It’s like 104 Super Bowls.  It’s colossal.  By the way, I figured out how many games there were before I looked it up, but I only got 103.

 

·        There are twelve groups with four teams each.  That’s six games per group: A-B, A-C, A-D, B-C B-D, C-D.  Trust me on this; I used to teach math.  Six games times 12 groups is 72 games.

·        Then 32 teams move on to the elimination rounds.  To crown a winner, you have to eliminate 31 teams and each game eliminates one team.  So, to eliminate 31 teams, you need 31 games.  31+72=103

·        But, FIFA tells me, there will be a game to determine third and fourth place.  That’s the 104^th game.

However you count it, it’s an impressive endeavor and, so far, it’s been handled very well.

 

One hundred-four games as a whole

And each one’s a big Super Bowl

Are the Games a success?

Well, the answer is “yes”.

Which of course has been everyone’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL

 

Wifty is our Weekly Word.  It means silly or scatterbrained, which I guess I am.  But if I’m wifty, my wife is swifty.  Have I told you my wife is speedy at everything?  She likes to call it “efficient”.  Let me put it this way -- if she had been married to Frederic Chopin, the Minute Waltz would have lasted 30 seconds and Jules Verne would have made it around the world in a week.  Yesterday we were at the grocery store and she was running the aisles like a kangaroo with a hot coal in her pouch.  I mean she was in a New York hurry!  And all the while she was talking to me: “Why aren’t these bags over here? It would save so much time. Why are these here? Why aren’t those there? Get that old lady out of my way. Go stand in line at the deli so I don’t have to wait. Go to the third checker; she’s the fastest.”

         

Then she saw somebody she knew and stopped in the aisle to talk for twenty minutes while I stood around shuffling my feet and trying to figure out the difference between a rutabaga and a turnip.  I wonder if Adam has a cell phone.

 

As I mentioned, I was a math teacher, and I used to tutor mathematics at the county jail.  While I was there, I came up with a weird idea.  You may have noticed that I am overflowing with weird ideas.  This one involved the inmates participating in an exhibition of their talents.  No, not breaking and entering -- singing and dancing.  There must be a lot of talent among the prison population.  We could have a show and call it Broadway Felonies or something.  Or maybe a game show like Let’s Make a Plea Deal or You Bet Your Life Sentence.  Or maybe we’ll just do a talent show.  We’ll call it So You Think You Can Sing Sing.  Well, it never happened, but maybe someday.

 

I hope you are not depressed today.  I hope you are never depressed, but I know better.  We all have our periods of depression.  Health, money, politics, a dozen other things.  They say the signs of depression are losing appetite or sleeping too much.  I’ve had some depression to deal with, and I’ll tell you this: depression isn’t sleeping too late.  Depression is being told you have a week to live the day after you paid $700 apiece for two tickets to Hamilton next month, and you know your wife will take some other guy.  Depression isn’t losing weight.  Depression is losing your job and having the employment office tell you that the only position for which you are qualified is to be Will Smith’s manager.  Is he even still alive?  See, it’s always a mistake to punch a rock (Chris Rock).

 

And happiness is maybe making you smile a little on a depressing Thursday.  Here’s a joke:  A lady comes home from the plastic surgeon.  “The doctor told me I had the breasts of a sixteen-year old,” she tells her husband.  “What did he say about your 75-year-old ass?” the husband asks.  “He didn’t mention you,” she replies.

 

Hey, a little history, a little politics, a little poetry, a little rock n’ roll, a joke or two.  It’s all right here in your weekly Limerick Oyster.  So count your blessings and stay well.  I’ll see you next week.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com