Blog #484                                June 18, 2026

 

I’m back.  And so, apparently, are you, so let’s get started.  I came home the other day and was met by my lovely wife.  We started to compare stories of the day, but after ten seconds her phone rang.  She answered it, said “Hold on” to whoever it was, and looked at me.  You see, I like talking to my wife.  I like to tell her about the people I have met or how many times I took the wrong exit on the highway.  What I hate most is getting shoved aside by a phone call from one of her over-talkative friends.  You know who you are.  She recognized my feeling and started to tell the caller she’d call back.  But instead, she looked at me and asked, “Are you going to change clothes?”  Change clothes?  Did I look messy?  I was chapfallen.  But, after almost six decades of marriage, I knew how to translate that simple question.  Are you going to change clothes? translates to, “I really would rather talk to this person than you, but I know you don’t like it, so if you have something to do, do it now.”

 

Hi there, everyone, and welcome back.  I hope you are well today.  If you have read even a small sample of these blogs, you know that I talk about my wife a lot and that I sometimes pick on her.  Making fun of your wife is as old as Adam and Eve.

 

“She’s always nagging at me, God -- something about those damned apples.  She probably thinks an apple a day keeps the Devil away.  Women! And now she wants clothes! Clothes?  Who needs clothes?  And she wants to know on what day You’re going to create Skechers. Her feet hurt.  Plus, she thinks You’re a woman.  Seriously, God? What were You thinking? You could have just created three other guys and a golf course”

 

But although I make fun of her, you all know I would do anything for her, even change clothes just so she could yabber with her friends.  You still know who you are.  Or give her my socks.  We went to a movie and Carol reached into her purse for a pair of hospital socks to keep her feet warm.  You must have some of those, don’t you?  They’re the ones with rubber on the bottom so when you walk around in the hospital you won’t slip and break something that you haven’t broken already.  I love long sentences. She has at least one pair of every color of these socks, and the sad truth is that she got them all from the various times I was in the hospital.  “How do you feel? When are you getting out? Grab me a few pairs of socks. I like pink.”  But when she searched at the movie, she realized she had forgotten socks so I removed mine and handed them to her.  Is that love or what?  I have a warm heart.  And cold feet.

 

The Weekly Word is chapfallen.  It means cast down in spirit; depressed.

 

Message from Shakespeare, the three-legged cat:  Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore (Sonnet 60).  I’m glad that Pops is home from the beach.  I let him know how happy I was and how much I missed him by keeping him up the whole first night he was home.  I wonder if he missed me.  Purr. 

 

We had a wonderful time on Bald Head Island.  Pickleball, beach, card games, food.  The weather was great and the company, my family, spectacular.  One night, six of us entered a trivia contest at the local pizza joint – Carol, me, one daughter and her husband and two kids.  We won, and it was a nice prize -- $30 gift certificate to the pizza joint.  We were proud.  Here are a few of the questions:

 

1.     How many minutes does it take sunlight to travel from the Sun to the Earth?

2.     What was the first toy ever advertised on TV?

3.     How many different color M&Ms are in a standard package?

Answers later.  Summer officially begins in three days, June 21st at 3:24 a.m. CDT.  At that instant, the North Pole will be tilted closest to the sun and those in the Northern Hemisphere will experience the longest day of the year.  It’s called the Summer Solstice.  Ok, all that mysterious drivel is swell, but haven’t you ever wondered why Summer isn’t just June, July and August?  June should start on the day of the Summer Solstice and August should end at the Autumnal Equinox (more arcane weather-speak).  Then Autumn can be September, October and November just like everybody thinks it is.  When Aristotle or God or Donald Duck or Pope Gregory XIII decided to make the calendar, why didn’t they ask us?  We would have made it so simple.

 

Even though the official start of Summer is three days away, the weather has been sizzling.  How hot is it?  I’m so glad you asked.  Relax, grab a cold drink and I’ll tell you how hot it is.

 

It's so hot, Iran’s ayatollah has decided to stand in Trump’s shadow.

It’s so hot, cows are giving evaporated milk.

It’s so hot, the trees are fighting over the dogs.

It’s so hot, I saw two squirrels fanning their nuts.

It’s hotter than Joy Behar’s tongue.

 

It’s too hot for playing or talking

The birds are too hot to be squawking

I saw a dog that

Was chasing a cat

And both of the poor things were walking

 

“Hey, God.  It’s Adam again.  That woman you made just gathered some fruit and wants me to ask if You have a round table.  There’s only two of us on the whole planet and she thinks she needs a reservation!  Oh, and she wants it not too near the serpent.  Jesus Christ!  Oh, You like that, God?  That Jesus Christ thing?  I just made it up.  You like it so much, you’re going to name Your Son that?  Now that’s catchy.”

 

Ok, it’s about time for me to get hit by lightning.  I’ll see you next week.  Please count your blessings and stay well.  Oh, and below are the answers to the trivia questions.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com

 

1.     8 minutes

2.     Mister Potato Head

3.     6 colors