Blog #461                                January 8, 2026

 

Well, I’ve done it.  I turned 80 yesterday, and, according to my grandchildren, I am now officially old.  You know you’re an old man if your cell-phone still has the factory installed ring-tone.  You know you’re an old man if you spend more time shopping for deals on pills than on cars.  You know you’re an old man if your PSA score is more important than your golf score.  You know you’re an old man if installing a light bulb is the technological highlight of your day.  You know you’re an old man if you have read 900 books.  And you know you are a ridiculous old man if you have kept a list of all those books.  I read a lot because it fills up my head with a bunch of things I never knew before.  Don’t worry, I still have room up there.

 

I really do read quite a lot

And learn things more often than not

I learn, I might say,

Something new every day

To replace all the stuff I forgot.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  Please do not send any birthday cards.  However, if you are overwhelmed with magnanimity, a light-blue Mercedes convertible would be nice.  I hope you’re feeling well and getting used to writing 2026 on your checks.  Yes, I have a list of all the books I’ve read since 1979.  That’s the year my wife suggested I should start reading more.  I agreed, and she handed me The Far Pavilions by M. M. Kaye.  Since then, 47 years ago, I have read 939 books, over 408,000 pages.  That’s not really so crazy.  I think Carol has read more than that and many of you have too.  What is crazy, lunatic, batty and actually frightening is that I’ve kept a list of every book, it’s author, number of pages, the year I read it and my rating.  Last year (2025) I read 34 books and my favorite was Terms of Endearment by Larry McMurtry.

 

Movie Review:  On New Year’s Eve, we went to see Song Sung Blue with Hugh Jackman and Kate Hudson.  I enjoyed it very, very much and recommend it to you.  It’s the story of a Neil Diamond impersonator and it’s full of music that you will all know.  After the movie, we had a wonderful dinner with wonderful friends.  A very nice evening.

 

I feel like I know something about a lot of things – history, astronomy, evolution, poetry.  I can even talk a little about Calculus or Sponge Bob.  But there are just some things I do not understand at all, and, as your weekly griot, I feel compelled to share them with you.  First, why is “phonetic” not spelled like it sounds.  Or why is “abbreviation” such a long word.  Or why a woman who drives a $100,000 Mercedes and wears a diamond ring as big as a cinnamon roll will go into a casino and play the penny slots.  Or my cable bill.  Now, I won’t bore you with all the details of my cable experience, but here’s the bottom line:  if we get rid of HBO, we can save twenty dollars a month, but if we keep HBO, we can save thirty.  Does that make any sense?  Well, that’s what the cable man told us.  You know the expression “my Mama didn’t raise no fools”?  Well, my Mama raised nothing but fools, but at least this fool had the sense to marry a smart woman.  So Carol took that thirty-dollar deal faster than Nicolás Maduro was siphoned out of Venezuela, and we left as happy as a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving.

 

Did you notice the word griot?  That’s our Weekly Word.  It’s pronounced gree-oh and it means a traveling poet or storyteller.  I’m proud to be yours.

 

I read a news story today about a man who has been on Death Row since 1990 and is scheduled to be executed next June.  This is what we call a non sequitur.  One second I was talking about dinner with friends, and the next second I was talking about Death Row.  Actually, they do have something in common – food.  You see, the condemned is suing the State because his food is not prepared to his religious standards.  He does get his special food, but he complains that it’s not good enough.  Well, I have the perfect solution – kill him now.  Why does it take so long to execute an execution?  I don’t like the death penalty, but if we’re going to have it, we should do it!  If you have been found guilty of murdering your wife, who gives a Flying Frankfurter what you eat?  We as a society have determined that you are not fit to live among us.  But you get to complain about the menu?  Maybe the food’s not hot enough?  Well, let’s get this over with and, where you’re going, I’m pretty sure the food is always hot.

 

I have noticed a family of phrases being used more and more.  They are phrases like: You gotta do what you gotta do.  It is what it is.  Cheap is cheap.  It’s not over till it’s over.  I can only do what I can do.  All of these phrases have the same meaning – nothing.  They really mean, “I have nothing to say, but I was going to exhale anyway so I figured I might as well pass it over my vocal cords.”

 

Message from Shakespeare:  Truly, thou art damned like an ill-roasted egg, all on one side. (As You Like It).  How come I never get hot food?  I mean, I can’t complain.  I get wet food and dry food and I get it every day and it tastes good. 

Hey, it is what it is.  Purr.

 

My friends, we have been with each other now for more than eight years.  You know everything there is to know about me and my wife, my cat and my daughters – even the chickens.  And I feel like I’ve come to know you too.  So I think I have the right to make this request: don’t make any New Year’s resolutions. I like you just the way you are.  Please stay well and count your blessings.  And even though it’s not over till it’s over – it’s over.  See you next week.

 

Michael                          Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com