Blog #460                                January 1, 2026   

 

Did you all have a nice Christmas?  I hope so, and no matter what our religious persuasions might be, I’m certain that each of us was visited by our favorite Christmas icon, that bearded fat-man we call on every Christmas to bring us the things we want -- General Tso.  I hope your gifts were loving and your chicken spicy. 

 

Another year has gone, and it was a strange one indeed!  Have you ever seen anything like 2025?  Hurricanes, fires, mass shootings, sexual scandals, politics, politics, politics!   It seems like the most prevalent form of hatred now is political.  We thrill when something bad happens to “their” side.  We mope when something bad happens to “our” side.  We’ve stopped talking to family members and friends because they didn’t vote the right way.  I think it is very sad.  Don’t we have something better to do?  Well, I have something better to do.  I have to clean up a whole bunch of things I’ve been wanting to tell you.  First of all, hi there and welcome to the 2026 version of Limerick Oyster.  I hope you’re feeling well.  Let’s talk about shoes.

 

Some time ago, my wife and I went to a play.  At the end, as the standing ovation waned, she said to me, “I’m missing a shoe.”  I bent down and looked under my seat.  There was a shoe, and I picked it up and handed it to her.  “That’s not my shoe.”  What?  Am I at a play or a sale at Nordstrom’s?  She quickly found hers and I was left holding a red shoe.   What was I going to do with a red shoe?  Soon, of course, the shoe was claimed by a churlish woman who I’m certain suffered from athlete’s foot, toe fungus, plantar fasciitis and warts.  And probably gout.  I gave the red shoe to the woman with a pleasant reminder that, “There’s no place like home.”  Then I drove home as fast as I could and scrubbed my hands in turpentine.  Why does it seem so disgusting to touch someone else’s shoes?

 

Or take pills prescribed for a dog?  I was having some arthritis a while back and my daughter Jennifer said she had some arthritis pills she got for her dogs.   The canines didn’t like the pills, so she offered them to me.  Of course I refused such silliness, but I went to the internet anyway to see what these doggy-pills were all about.  It’s really amazing how many canine illnesses there are.  You knew there was a list coming, didn’t you?  I love lists.  Here are some doggy diseases:

 

·        Ulcerative Collie-itis

·        Barkinson’s

·        Dysenterrier

·        Restless Tail Syndrome

·        Itchy Pomeranian

·        Rin Tin Tinnitus

·        Mastiff Neck

·        Aarfritis

·        Irritable Bow-Wow Syndrome

 

I like dogs.  I like to talk to them and have them around.  But I don’t want one.  I watch many of my neighbors walking their dogs, and I just am not up for that any more.  Besides, I have Shakespeare and I have my wife.  She’s like a high-strung little poodle with curly black hair and skinny legs. 

 

Message from Shakespeare:  It warms the very sickness in my heart (Hamlet).  There he goes again, that old fool, saying he likes dogs.  Dogs are big and loud and sloppy and have to go outside.  Cats are soft and quiet and smart.  And, by the way, cats have diseases too.  I think I have purr-sitis and cat-aracts and kit-zophrenia.  Purr.

 

You know that a bunch of cows is called a herd and a bunch of wolves is a pack.  But there are a few offbeat names for groups of other animals: a crash of rhinos, a dazzle of zebras, a journey of giraffes, a pride of lions, a parliament of owls.  All of these are real, and I would like to propose one more – a Cacophony of Women.  Well, have you ever heard Carol and four or five of her friends all talking at the same time?

 

I often pick on my wife here, but it’s really the husband-wife conflict that I am exposing, not her.  The truth is we have a great relationship.  She does what she wants and I do what I want.  For instance, a few years ago three of my friends and I planned a golfing trip to San Antonio.  All by ourselves.  This was our trip, our time, just us men!

 

The guys all developed a plan

To go where a man is a man

Where we can be free

To be all we can be

As long as our wives say we can.

 

They said we could.  Actually, my wife is wonderful and  very easy to deal with.  I just have to make sure never to allow her to become miserable.  When my wife mentions the word “miserable”, something had better change!  And that means now!  Like the Holiday Party we went to recently.  After about an hour, I could see that she wanted to leave more than a CNN reporter wants to leave a Trump rally.  You can always tell when she wants to leave.  She starts to make comments like, “Do you think your car door opener will work from here?”  Or, “Do you remember where you parked?”  It works every time.

 

Let’s do our Weekly Word.  It’s churlish, which means irritable and rude.

 

I hope you had a nice New Year’s Eve.  We went to a movie and dinner.  I’ll give you the movie review next week.  We didn’t stay up until midnight.  Not any more.  Youth is when you are allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you are forced to and old age is when you don’t want to.  You can say that another way.  Youth is when you watch the ball drop in St. Louis and then go out and party.  Middle age is when you watch the ball drop in New York so you can go to sleep at 11:00.  Old age is when you watch the ball drop in Paris so you can turn in right after dinner.

 

Charles F. Raymond said, Another year! Use it kindly; you will not have it long, and almost ere you are aware, it will be past.  I hope the new year treats you kindly.  Stay well, count your blessings, and don’t be churlish.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com