Blog #451                                October 30, 2025

 

This morning, I went to McDonalds.  As I was filling my Diet Coke at the drink bar, a little Korean boy walked to the bar.  He was about 3-foot-7 and could not reach the straws.  He stood there with his hand stretched up as far as it could, but there was no chance.  I guess most people would have said, “Hi there, little boy.  Do you need a straw?  Would you like me to get you a straw?  What’s your name?  There you go; can you say thank you?”  I, being a highly trained handler of small children, said not a word.  I plucked a straw from the container and handed it down to the little Kim Jong Short.  He accepted the straw, looked me right in the eye, gave me a 3-foot 7-inch smile and walked back to his Daddy.  I smiled too and walked to my car.  A Chinese proverb says, “A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.”  Maybe I left a pleasant one.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you’re feeling well.  I have so many things to talk about today, but I have to be selective because I place a limit on how long my blog can be.  I don’t want you to get bored. So, let’s talk about math.  Wait, is math not your thing?  Have you always thought that Isaac Newton was famous for making cookies?  Do you have trouble counting up the number of Barbra Streisand’s Farewell Concerts?  Ok, I’ll just mention a few scientific theories.

 

Mathematics has the Riemann Hypothesis.  Physics has the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principal.  Biology has Darwin’s Theory of Evolution.  I would now like to introduce an analogous principal for eating lunch at home.  It is called the Fox Conjecture of Infinite SpaghettiOs, which states that no matter how much time and effort you invest in emptying a can of SpaghettiOs, you can never get all of them out.  I just spent several minutes with a spoon, scooping and scraping out the little Os into a bowl.  I looked inside, then I scooped, then looked again and scraped and scraped until I was absolutely positive that no errant O had escaped.  But when I washed out the supposedly empty can, out came the reddened water and three smiling, clever little SpaghettiOs that had somehow escaped my efforts.  Q.E.D.

 

Q.E.D., our Weekly Word, is actually an abbreviation of the Latin words "Quod Erat Demonstrandum" which loosely translated means "that which was to be demonstrated". It is usually placed at the end of a mathematical proof to indicate that the proof is complete.

 

Ok, now to more important things – my wife.  Being a husband is challenging.  It takes a long time to become fluent in Wife-Speak.  I have been married for fifty-eight years and I still don’t completely understand Wife-Speak.  I think I have a few phrases figured out.  For instance,

 

When she says: Are you hot?  she means - I’m hot, turn on the air conditioner.

When she says: Are you going out like that?  she means - If you are, I’m not going with you.

When she says: You look tired.  she means - Take me home; I’m tired.

When she says: My hair looks horrible! she means - You have three seconds to compliment my hair. Three, two, …

When she says: I like when you go shopping with me. she means - Drop me off at the door, Hop Sing, then come inside and hold my packages.

 

Anyone who thinks that a man can control a woman – is a bachelor.

 

We all watch Jeopardy, don’t we?  It’s fun!  We get to see how much we know and how awfully much we don’t know.  I think there should be a Senior Jeopardy.  I have some ideas along that line.  First, we have to get rid of that little clicker thing they use.  Mechanical devices confuse us and we have arthritis in our fingers.  And which button controls the volume?  Second, we need more time to answer.  Who can think that fast?  And, of course, the questions have to be senior-friendly, like “What is Miralax for?”  This is stuff we know about.  I have a whole new Double Jeopardy category for you called Who’s the Dummy?  Here are the answers; you pick the ventriloquist’s dummy.

 

$200           Edgar Bergen or Charlie McCarthy

$400           Meatloaf or Lambchop

$600           Jerry Lewis or Jerry Mahoney

$800           Topo Gigio or Charo

$1000          Donald Trump or Chuck Schumer

 

How’d you do?  Did you get them all right?  The real dummies are Charlie McCarthy (held by Edgar Bergen), Lambchop (Shari Lewis), Jerry Mahoney (Paul Winchell), Topo Gigio (Ed Sullivan show) and – no, no, I’m not going there. Now you can try the Final Senior Jeopardy Answer: “She was the Indian princess on Howdy Doody.”

 

In all my life I have lived in seven different homes, yet I have never lived more than 12 miles from the place I was born.  Twelve miles in 79 years!  Doesn’t seem like much, does it?  Raccoons move around more than that.  Twelve miles!  I haven’t retired to sunny Naples or glorious Scottsdale or the fabulous Frisco Bay.  I didn’t go away to college. Twelve miles.  It never occurred to me that St. Louis was a great place to live, but now with all the disasters around us, I’m rethinking.   Hurricanes in Florida, fires in California, Joy Behar in New York.  Maybe our little town, even with its crime problem, is doing just fine.

 

To live in St. Louis is heaven

On a scale of ten, it’s eleven

The Cards and the Blues

The Zoo and Ted Drewes

And the shootings don’t start until seven.

 

Did you think I had forgotten this week’s limerick?  I’m not that forgetful, and you’re not that lucky.  I will not forget to come back next week with another one, so please stay well and count your blessings.  I’ll see you then.  And don’t forget to change your clocks this weekend.  Oh, the princess from Howdy Doody was Princess Summerfallwinterspring.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  O horror! Horror! Horror! Tongue nor heart cannot conceive nor name thee! (Macbeth.)  I hope you humans have a fun Halloween.  But please be nice to black cats.  Trick or treat, you weird humans, and Purr.

 

Michael and Shakespeare       Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com