Blog #448                                October 9, 2025

 

Stay well and count your blessings.  Wait, that’s what I say at the end of the blog, not the beginning.  I’m so confused.  I’m turned upside down, and it’s all because of my grocery store.  I always go in the entrance on the right, near the produce.  I start at bananas and end with bread and that’s the way it’s been for thousands of years.  It all started King Tut shopped 3,350 years ago at the local Yummy Mummy.  Well, Mrs. Tut probably did the shopping.  Her name was Ankhesenamun.  He called her Cupcake.  Anyway, Ankhe would start with bananas and work her way right to left and we’ve all been doing that for millennia.  But today they were doing some construction and the right-side entrance was closed.  I had to enter on the left side.  Well, you can imagine my disorientation.  I felt like an American trying to drive in London.  I felt like a breech baby.  I felt like the world was a tuxedo and I was a pair of brown shoes.  (Thank you, George Gobel.)  So, did I adapt?  Did I improvise?  Did I overcome?  No, I am maddeningly sclerotic, so I walked like an Egyptian down the length of the store and started at bananas.  You would have done the same.

 

Weekly Word: Sclerotic means rigid and unresponsive; without the ability to adapt.  I think that describes me, don’t you?  Hi there and welcome back.  The government is shut down, but Limerick Oyster is still in business, so wipe off your reading glasses and let’s get started.  I hope you’re feeling well and enjoying the beautiful Fall weather.  What is all this hullaballoo about Russia?  Why are we afraid of them?  And how could we ever have worried that X, Y and Z had colluded with Й, Щ and Э?  I don’t get it.  I’ve been to Russia and they have nothing to offer but a bunch of palaces built by cruel and horrible despots who killed their own people and stole all their money.  As I left Russia, I turned around, looked at their sterile, ugly and decrepit apartment blocks and their sullen, overdressed and impolite border officials and told them how I felt.

 

I’ve read about all of your Czars

I’ve tasted your strange caviars

I’ve taken your tours

And I’ve seen what is yours

And I really prefer what is ours.

 

Take that, Vladimir!

 

I get a physical exam every year with Dr. Primary, and of course they take my blood pressure. Wouldn’t it be great if Carol and I could just average our blood pressure?  Can you guess which one of us has high versus low pressure?  Isn’t it obvious?  Carol runs on so much energy, we used to call her Ethel, and I am so passive that last week I was reading at the library and somebody put lilies in my lap.  After the blood pressure, the nurse always gives me some kind of cognitive test.  What day is it?  Who’s the President?  Who’s your Daddy?  Who’s the leader of the club that’s made for you and me?  Then she asks me to write any sentence, and I always write, “I hate needles!”  Then she asks me to memorize three words.  The first time she did that, the words were – apple, penny, table.  Ok, I passed.  A year later I was back and she was back and the questions were the same.  When she said, “I have three words for you to memorize, I immediately said, “You mean apple, penny, table?”  She looked at me, then looked at her paper and said, “I guess you pass.”

 

So how about if we give you a small cognitive test?  Can you say 60 words in 60 seconds without ever repeating a word twice or using a word that has the letter “a”?  Ready? Go!  I’ll get back to you later.

 

As I have told you, we went to a charity polo match last week.  I was sitting at a table, and I asked my wife to get me a Diet Coke at the bar.  She returned; I took a sip, and long before the vile liquid reached my stomach, I said, “This is Pepsi.”  She said that’s all they had and she hoped I wouldn’t notice.  What?  Not notice?  I have had a Diet Coke every morning for four decades.  Diet Coke is as different from Diet Pepsi as 7-Up is from motor oil.  Jeesh!

 

Someone asked me the other day what Disney character I most resemble.  I know, I can hear all of you yelling Dumbo.  That’s not nice.  But I thought for a while – there’s Captain Jack Sparrow, Aladdin, Prince Charming (somehow that always reminds me of years ago when we actually had cameras and we took the film to the camera shop to get it developed; then we’d sit around the house singing “Someday My Prints Will Come”).  I finally decided the Disney character I most resemble is Geppetto.   He’s the old man in Pinocchio who uses his experience and love to help mold little boys and girls out of their rough raw materials.  With three daughters and eight grandchildren, I like to think I’ve accomplished that.  Plus, it looks like my nose has grown a lot along the way.  So, what Disney character do you most resemble?  Sleeping Beauty?  No, most of you can’t sleep.  Cinderella?  No, you don’t do windows.  Aladdin’s Genie?  I’ve seen you in a bottle.  Goofy?  Just saying.

 

Message from Shakespeare, the three-legged cat:  What’s in a name? (Romeo and Juliet).  If Pops gets to be Gepetto, I get to be Gepetto’s little tuxedo cat.  His name was Figaro.  My name is much better.  And Tabby Cats are much handsomer than tuxedo cats.  Just purring!

 

Ok, the cognitive test about saying sixty words in sixty seconds without using an “a”.  Easy, peasy!  Just count from one to sixty.  There are no “a”s.  In fact, the first number that has an “a” is one thousand.  And the first number that has a “b” is one billion.  And the first number that has a “c” is one octillion.  How’s that for useless trivia?

 

I think I’m finished with all this silliness.  Thank you for coming back.  Stay well and count your blessings.  (I’ve heard that somewhere before.)  See you next week.

 

Geppetto                                           send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com