Blog #399                                October 31, 2024

 

Do you realize that, before you know it, monstrous villains and ghouls will be out in the streets screaming and scaring the bejeebies out of you?  No, not Halloween, I’m talking about Election Day.

 

As of this writing, the election is up for grabs.   When it is finally over, some of you will be as disappointed as the 4^th place finisher at the Olympics and the rest will be as happy as a flea on a big dog.

 

I know how they could get my vote.  If a candidate came on television and said, “I’m going to save a million trees by not sending you all those big, glossy, thick-paper ads in the mail.  Vote for me and save a tree.”  That’s who I would vote for.

 

Now I hear that some election officials have actually received death threats.  If you vote the wrong way or Tweet the wrong thing or support the wrong cause nowadays, someone will start threatening to kill you.  What a country!  Death threats have become what Valentine cards used to be when we were kids.  You just send them to everybody.  Hallmark, never one to let an opportunity go by, has just unveiled a new line of Death Threat Cards.  Here’s my favorite:

 

Dear Donald,

 

We all know that roses are red

I’d like to shoot you in the head

Now violets are blue

And I really hate you

And I hope when you get this – you’re dead.

 

Your Friend,

Joy

 

Even little children have been singing political nursery rhymes:

 

Joe and Jill went up the Hill

Into the White House Tower

Joe fell down and broke his crown

And Kamala took power.

 

They even have new Christmas songs: You’re a mean one, Mr. Trump and

Oh Kamala Faithful.

 

Hey, bring back Joe.  At least he was old – like me.  WRINKLED LIVES MATTER and we want to be in the decision-making process.  I’m telling you folks, if you’re not at the table, you’re on the menu.  There are actually three ex-presidents who were born the same year as me, 1946.  They’re Clinton, Bush and Trump.

 

But whether your lying, conniving, frightening candidate wins or the other side’s lying, conniving, frightening candidate wins, we all need to move on, make peace and deal with those parts of the Universe that we can actually handle.  Like Daylight Savings Time.

 

Let’s see – it’s Spring Forward and Fall Back, right?  I think that’s what I’m supposed to do on Saturday, but one year, I got so confused that I re-set the calendar instead of the clock and woke up in March.  Hey, that’s not such a bad idea.  Let’s hibernate like a bear and maybe, by the time we wake up, winter will be over and the television political ads will be gone and they’ll be finished counting all the mail-in ballots. 

 

Whatever day or month it is, I’m back.  And so are you.  Hi there and welcome.  Are you going to dress up for Halloween?  I’m going as Fred Flintstone.  At least that’s who my wife said I looked like after I put on my regular clothes.  Halloween probably has roots in the fall harvest festivals of ancient Celts.  The early Christians celebrated a holiday named All Hallows’ Day which was a day to celebrate the upcoming harvest and give thanks to God.  The night before this sacred day was called All Hallows’ E’en (E’en being short for evening if you were an ancient Celt who was in such a hurry that you didn’t have time to pronounce three syllables.  Probably had to rush to get a good seat at the rock concert that night -- The Rolling Stonehenge.)  From Hallows and E’en, we got Halloween.  What would you do without me? 

 

Message from Shakespeare:  Tis now the very witching time of night, when churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes (Hamlet).  I don’t go out on Halloween.  I don’t go out any time.  I’m happy here with my comfy chairs and my windows to look out and my Pops to take care of me.  Trick or Purr.

 

I visited Dr. Doctor this week for my annual physical.  All my numbers were terrific:

 

·        My blood pressure is excellent.  Of course, I take two different blood pressure medications.

·        My cholesterol is perfect.  Of course, I take a statin.

·        My calcium is right on the money.  Of course, they had to slice my neck open last year and excise a parathyroid gland.

·        My heart rate is right on track.  Of course, I take a heart pill and have an electrical device implanted in my chest.

·        I’m walking great.  Of course, they had to replace a hip.

·        And my eyesight is wonderful.  Of course, I’ve had ten eye operations.

 

I’m like one of those collage art works.  From ten feet away, it looks like Marilyn Monroe, but from up close, it’s just a bunch of bottle caps and colored paper clips.  Hey, God bless modern medicine.

 

Weekly Word:  Excise means to remove or cut out surgically.  That’s what I’d like to do with all the political ads on television.  Aren’t they horrible!  Freddy the Fascist wants to take away your right to vote and cut out your womb.  Ya, but Sally the Socialist wants to open the border and let Haitian criminals rape your dogs and eat your children.  Every year they get worse. 

 

Well, it’s time to wrap up.  Here’s a good quote: “In an American election, there are no losers because whether or not our candidates are successful, the next morning, we all wake up as Americans.  And that is the greatest privilege and the most remarkable good fortune that can come to us on Earth.”

 

John Kerry said that in 2004, the year he lost to George W. Bush.  We will all get a chance to vote, and the world will move on.  I’ll be here next week.  You’ll be here next week.  Hey, why don’t we rent a barn and put on a show?  I’ll bring the hotdogs. 

 

Whoever wins, count your blessings and concentrate on making yourself and your loved ones happy.  That’s my recommendation.  I’ll send you a bill.  Or maybe I’ll just send you next week’s blog.  Please remember to fall back on Saturday, vote on Tuesday, read my blog on Thursday and stay well every day.  See ya!

 

Michael                                             Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com