Blog #377                                May 30, 2024

 

Recently, HBO, which airs a Looney Tunes show, has banned Elmer Fudd from using a hunting rifle.  This cancel culture is pernicious.  But now they’re messing with my Looney Tunes and I’m not going to take it anymore!  And that’s not all they’ve changed:

 

·        Sylvester can no longer chase Tweety Bird.  After all, Yellow Lives Matter.

·        Stuttering is making fun of the handicapped, so Porky Pig now sounds like Morgan Freeman

·        Speedy Gonzalez is gone.  Racially insensitive!

·        Bugs Bunny has been forced to say, “Ahhh, what’s up, Dr. Jill Biden?”

·        And, of course. they’ve taken away Popeye’s pipe.

 

Popeye cannot have his smokes

I’m telling you these are not jokes

They took Elmer’s gun

And all of our fun

And th-th-th-that’s all F-Folks.

 

I had a limerick about Donald Duck, but my wife wouldn’t let me publish it.  You don’t get it?  Well, you’re built too low, the fast ones go over your head.

 

In my opinion, if we allowed every interest group to destroy everything they find offensive, there would be nothing and nobody left in this country.  Just think:

 

Native Americans would get rid of Eskimo Pies, statues of George Custer, and the Kansas City Chiefs.

 

Blacks would get rid of the Confederate Flag, Mount Rushmore, and Hattie McDaniel.

 

Jews would eliminate the KKK, statues of Charles Lindbergh, and whoever said we couldn’t eat bacon.

 

 

Hispanics would get rid of The Wall, statues of Christopher Columbus and Speedy Gonzalez cartoons.

 

Rednecks would get rid of Blacks, Jews, Native Americans, Hispanics and people who have abortions.

 

And just about everybody would get rid of robocalls, cicadas and Joy Behar.  See my point?  If everyone was allowed to eliminate whatever he or she perceived as offensive, the world would be as empty as Lady Godiva’s closet.

 

Hi there friends, and welcome back.  I hope you are feeling well.  Every time I pick on Joy Behar, I get angry comments from those of you who are Joy fans.  So yes, I know everyone does not hate Joy.  But I’m sticking with the robocalls and cicadas.  This week, we celebrated Memorial Day.  For those of you who served, thank you and thank you again.

 

Memorial Day means baseball and apple pie.  I’ve been a St. Louis Cardinal fan all my life, and even though they’re having a disappointing year and even though watching baseball is as slow as watching a centipede tie his shoes, I’m still a fan.  I went to a game this week.  The seats were great; the hotdogs were delicious and we won.  But the main feeling I came away with was that a baseball game is the quintessential exposition of greed and avarice in America. 

 

·        The tickets are expensive

·        The parking was $40, triple the price of parking on a day when there is no game

·        The cost of food is easily twice what it should be

·        A beer is up to $15.

·        A baseball, soiled by mud because the pitch hit the dirt, is packaged in a plastic box and sold in the souvenir shop for $50.  FIFTY DOLLARS!

·        A jersey worn by a player last week will be sold for $500 - $1500, depending on the player.

 

The cost for a grandfather to take two grandchildren to a game – decent seats, hotdogs, ice-cream, maybe a Cardinals hat will be $400 to $600.  Nuts.

 

My grandson, Tyler, graduated high school last week.  I always get emotional at graduations.  The unbridled joy of the students, the uncontrollable pride of the families, the Pomp and Circumstance – it all gives me goose bumps.  I was very proud of my grandson.

 

In the car, on the way to the ceremony, I felt something crawling on my neck.  It was a cicada, of course.  They’re everywhere.  They’re more ubiquitous than Palestinian protestors.  I grabbed the little fellow and defenestrated him.  Now there’s a word you need to know.  Defenestrate, our Weekly Word, simply means to throw something or someone out of a window. 

 

Speaking of protestors, one of the students, as he was called to receive his diploma, removed a large Palestinian flag from beneath his robes and displayed it while on the stage and walking back to his seat.  Of course, that was against all the school’s rules, but he did it anyway.  I would have liked to defenestrate him.  Two-four-six-eight, who should we defenestrate?

 

Rotten Oysters:  There’s a comedy special that was on HBO.  You can get it on Demand or maybe hulu or Netflix.  The name is Alex Edelman, Just for Us.  It’s a 90-minute Broadway one-man show, and it’s very Jewish and very funny.  Very funny.  Watch it.  Watch it just because you trust me.  It is unique and entertaining.  I have seen it six times.

 

The weather has been terrifying lately.  We spent two hours the other evening glued to the TV watching the alert broadcast of a monster storm heading our way.  Thunder, lightning, tornados, pictures of Almira Gulch, tennis-ball sized hail.  And besides the weather angst, the country is beset by antisemitism, a porous border, high prices on everything, high interest rates and an election coming up where we get to choose who is going to point us in the right direction and our only choices are Beavis and Butt-Head. 

 

Message from Shakespeare:  I think the King is but a man, as I am.  The violet smells to him as it doth to me (Henry V).  We should have a cat for President.  I like Garfield.  His motto is “Love me, feed me, never leave me.”  And I have Pops who does exactly that.  Maybe Pops should be President.  No, maybe not.  Purr.

 

If this country gets any worse, the people wading and swimming across the border will be Americans trying to get into Mexico.  I’ve started eating Chalupas every day and am learning to sing La Cucaracha.  I wonder if Mexico will give us Sanctuary Cities and free Driver’s Licenses.  I know they’re ready for us, because my friend Kitty in Mexico sent me a picture of a sign over there.  It reads:  Welcome to the Fun Side of the Wall!  That’s the truth.

 

Ok, my blood-pressure cuff tells me it’s time to stop.  If they let me out of the asylum, I’ll see you next week.  Stay well and count your blessings.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com