Blog #326                                June 8, 2023

 

Nobody’s perfect!  Certainly not yours truly.  Last week’s L. Oyster included an email address with a typographical error, so that all of your loving and admiring comments got rerouted to Jimmy Hoffa or L. Ron Hubbard or who-knows-where.  The problem was addressed quickly, but I apologize.  I personally respond to every comment I receive, so if you didn’t receive a response from me – well, maybe you heard from L. Ron.  Once again, as the young people say, “my bad.”  As the Catholics say, “mea culpa.”  As Jewish husbands say, “Yes, dear.”

 

What a week!  Tuesday was the 25^th Wedding Anniversary of my oldest daughter (Jennifer in NC).  Today is the 22^nd birthday of my oldest grandchild (Zachary in NC).  Tomorrow, we leave for that very same NC to attend the high school graduation of my #3 grandchild, Alyssa, and to watch her give the Valedictory Speech to her class of 600.  And Sunday will be our anniversary.

 

Fifty-six years ago, on the 11th of June in 1967, my wife and I were married and all our hopes, aspirations and dreams were combined into one – hers!  We made the normal vows – to love and to cherish (that was my vow), to honor and obey (I think that was mine too).  She must have made some vows, but I forget what they were.  I think she vowed to stay dry. 

 

“There he goes picking on Carol again,” I hear you girls cry. (I don’t care what age you are, you’re still girls to me.)  Hey, you know I love her and am her willing and loving slave.  Besides, you should thank me for picking on my wife every Thursday.  If your husband reads the blog, then he will realize that his wife (that’s you) isn’t the only one who tells him how to dress and what to eat and where to park.  Now, if he complains, all you have to say is – Don’t yell at me, Carol does the same thing.  And to you guys -- hey, we always have a choice.   We can do what she tells us, or we can regret it later.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you’re feeling well and staying dry.  It’s been easy to stay dry lately, since we have had very little rain in St. Louis, but a few weeks ago my granddaughter had a soccer game.  The Princess of Never-go-out-in-the-rain and I were both in attendance, where Charley played well and the team won. The weather was perfect until 60 seconds after the game ended, when the skies threatened to open up with an un-forecast deluge.  Carol said, give me the car keys, and hightailed it out to the parking lot like an impala fleeing a cheetah, leaving her loyal husband to drown on the concrete path.  She made it to the Ark, although she had to kick a couple of Unicorns out of the way.  By the time I got there, I was as wet as Lloyd Bridges and she was as dry as a matzo.  I can hear you now – Don’t yell at me, Carol does the same thing.

 

I’m very excited to report that four of my grandchildren are employed.  Two in North Carolina have real jobs, and the two high-schoolers in St. Louis have summer jobs.  And I was just offered a position.  I was shopping at our local super market, having picked up some cat food for Shakespeare and a banana for Carol, and I would have self-checked but one of the checkers was looking lonely, so I went there.  We began talking about grocery prices, and she told me that she lives alone and always buys the same things every week.  Last year, her weekly list cost her $40.  This year it was $82.  Now that’s what inflation is, my friends.  What you hear on television is a lie.  I responded, flippantly, that groceries were so expensive, I had to live on cat food and bananas.  She laughed and handed me a flyer recruiting part-time workers for their stores.  I was interested.  I wouldn’t mind earning some extra money as a Distribution Consultant.

 

It's true my finances are drastic

But I just found a job that’s fantastic

I can start any day

Once I’ve learned how to say

“Would you prefer paper or plastic?”

 

Message from Shakespeare:  ‘Tis no sin for a man to labour in his vocation (Henry IV, Part 1).  I have a job too.  I provide Pops with someone to spoil, pet, take care of and buy presents for.  That’s my job.  And don’t yell at me, Carol does the same thing.  Purr.

 

“Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.”  And now it's time for another Covid booster, so I had to go online to make my appointment at CVS.  I wanted to just call CVS and talk to someone, but I understand they don’t want their staff wasting time on the phone, so there I was online.  I’d rather have a tooth pulled.  But I started and stopped and failed and somehow managed to make an appointment for myself at 11:00 the next day.  But when I tried to make an appointment for Carol, I discovered that making an appointment for Person B on Person A’s computer was more intricate than setting up a mahjong game with the Pope.  But, through the right combination of patience and dumb, stupid luck, I somehow was successful in making an appointment for Carol at the same place, on the same day, but at 3:00 p.m.  So I called the pharmacy direct and asked if we could both get the shots at 11:00.  Of course we could, the pharmacist replied.  So much for the plan to save the staff from answering phone calls.

 

I just took a break to read my e-mails.  Each week I get a lot of e-mails from you, mostly complimentary.  Things like you’re very funny and I never knew you were that funny.  Dave Barry said, “Being funny, when it’s your job, is work.”  I suppose it is, but it’s fun.

 

Weekly Word:  Valedictory means, simply, farewell, and a valedictory speech is a farewell speech.  My valedictory message to you now is to stay well, count your blessings and come see me next week.  And would you prefer paper or plastic?

 

Michael                                             mfox1746@gmail.com

                                                          This one’s right.