LIMERICK    OYSTER

Blog #298                                November 24, 2022

 

Happy Thanksgiving Day to every one of you and welcome back.  Thanksgiving is a unique and introspective day where we give voice to all the blessings we have.  We are truly thankful for our family and friends; I don’t need to tell you that.  And as for those that we have lost and sorely miss, they are blessings as well. “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”  That’s a quote, believe it or not, from Dr. Seuss, my favorite poet, and it should remind us to be grateful for the memories that mean so much to us.  We are also thankful for our own lives.  Yes, we may have health issues -- aches, pains or more serious challenges – but look at it this way: we’re doing the best we can, we’re still here and we are way better off than the turkey.  And, yes, there are people who are richer, younger, better-looking.  But we have love and warmth and a wonderful meal to share.  Have a good day, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk to you every week.

 

A few days ago, I was at McDonald’s (duh) with my Diet Coke (duh) and my book (ditto).  Seeing me without a book would be like seeing Pat without Vanna, or Fred without Ethel, or Joy without Whoopi.  Whoopi and Joy!  Sounds like a big party, doesn’t it?  I’d rather be at McDonald’s.

 

And I was, reading a few pages, relaxing and doing the Wordle.  When I was ready to leave, I refilled my soda and went out to my car.  It didn’t start.  Deader than Queen Elizabeth.  I went back inside and called AAA.  It was about 9:45 and they told me a service truck would be there at 11:00.  I know them to be very reliable and accurate, so I calmly and patiently settled down for the wait.  The problem arose at 10:15 when I finished my book.  What was I going to do for 45 minutes?  I do not talk on the phone in a public place, so I decided to read everything online about Crypto Currency.  I knew nothing about it when I started, but after reading for twenty minutes, I discovered two things -- I now knew even less and I now cared even less.  I mean, who really cares if some fast-talking twenty-something just lost $75 billion worth of Gypto-Crypto that he made up to begin with when I’m trying to find a better price on a turkey than Aldi’s $1.09 a pound?

 

Then I read the announcement by the United Nations Populations Fund that the 8-billionth person on the Earth was born last week.  They also announced that the population will peak at 10½ billion around 2080 and then start to decrease.  That’s the good news.  The bad news is that by then, there won’t be enough food left on the Earth and the population will decrease because the young people will have to eat the old people.  The UN sent a congratulatory card to Number Eight Billion.

 

Eight Billion – yes you are the winner

You’re a baby and just a beginner

Grow old but not fat

‘Cause if you do that

You’ll surely be Ten Billion’s dinner.

 

Do you think I’m getting weirder?  I think I’m getting weirder.  Maybe I need a shrink.  Have you ever been to a shrink?  Do you know who the first psychiatrist was?  I’ve told you before, but I’ll do it again.  It was Snow White.  Seriously!  When she asked each of her roommates, “Are you Happy?” and six of them said no, she figured they needed some help and she hung up a PSYCHIATRIST shingle on the cottage.  But when customers arrived and noticed that all the people coming out of her office were dwarves, they all said, “She’s not helping their mental problems, she’s just shrinking them.”  And that’s how the term shrink was born.  Aren’t you happy that I give you all of this information?  No?  You’re not Happy?  Go see Snow.

 

I used to go to a shrink.  I like talking to people, as you can tell, and I liked talking to my shrink.  I found it to be quite cathartic.  After all, your psychiatrist will listen more than your spouse or your kids or your friends.  Almost as much as your hair stylist.  The first time I visited Dr. Head, I brought a newspaper to read in the waiting room, and, when I was finished reading, I tossed it into the waste basket.  Then I realized it still had my address label attached, so I retrieved the paper and tore off my name label.  Hey, if you can’t be paranoid in a shrink’s office, where can you?

 

During the first session, the shrink asked what my family was like when I was growing up, and I began to tell him about my lovable lunatic brother and my sad schizophrenic sister.  Wow, he thought he had won the Power Ball jackpot.  He’d never heard of a family so messed up since Morticia and Gomez.  He was as excited as a Vietnamese chef at a dog park.

 

Our Weekly Word is cathartic, which means providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions.  Writing to you is cathartic for me.  It keeps my mental health in tip-top shape.  And if you think this is tip-top, you’re sicker than I am.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  Take from my heart all thankfulness (Pericles). I am thankful today too.  I am thankful that 2½ years ago I chose Pops to be my pet human.  The shelter-lady had just asked him if he would accept a three-legged cat, and he said no.  She said, “Ok, just hold this cat for a second,” and then she put me in his arms.  I looked over at his woman.  She looked to be the absolute boss of the family, and I figured if she could train this old man, so could I.  So I flashed my feline cuteness on him and he was mine.  I suspect that’s how she got him too.  I am also thankful I’m not a turkey.  Purr.

 

Alright, you have relatives to hug and turkeys to eat, and blessings to count, so I’ll let you go.  Stay well and thank you for listening to me each week.  See you soon.

 

Cousin Itt                                          Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com