Blog #231                                         August 12, 2021

 

You may have noticed that the legal sale of marijuana is sweeping the nation, and soon it will be legal to buy pot in every state.  I can clearly envision McDonald’s adjusting their menu to add a Really Happy Meal which will include fries and a Diet-Toke.  They’re already training their staff to say, “Would you like highs with that?”

 

Of course, we’re going to see national chains created just to sell pot, so we need to come up with appropriate names.  I am up to the challenge.  Unfortunately, the perfect name for a national pot chain is already taken – Quik Trip.  But I have some alternative suggestions:

 

Pot-Belly’s            Toke-O-Bell          Grass Pro Shops

H & R Pot            Bed, Bath and Way Beyond

 

And if the whole pot thing works out well, then locations selling harder substances will become rife in no time.  A new drive-through chain for heavy drugs is already in the works.  It’s called Crack-In-The-Box.

 

The Weekly Word is rife, which means unchecked, widespread and common, kind of like the silly jokes and useless information I write to you each week.  But where else can you find poetry, jokes, stories, quotes and opinions all rolled into one?  Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you are all feeling well today.  Do you like animals, or as Milton puts it in Paradise Lost, “every creeping thing that creeps the ground?”   I’ll bet you do.  And so, apparently, do the project engineers at NASA who make certain that none of their planetary exploration spacecraft contaminates possible life on other planets.  It’s fascinating how much our species thrills in ecstasy over the possibility of life on Mars or Saturn, while at the same time destroying life on Earth with abandon.  We pollute the environments of our own plants and animals, cut down their forests, poison their rivers and lakes, dump plastic into their oceans, eat them or just shoot them for fun.  We would spend a trillion dollars to preserve a Martian microbe but comparatively nothing to save the magnificent life of this planet.  We have destroyed everything we touch, except the sun, moon and the starry skies which God in His wisdom has hung beyond our reach.  At least until now.  Sorry about the preaching.  I’m a little passionate here.

 

Message from Shakespeare:   Then with a passion would I shake the world (The Life and Death of King John).  It’s good that he’s passionate about animals.  He sure treats me like a prince.  But sometimes I think he goes overboard.  Yesterday, he told me he saw a mouse while he was taking his walk.  The mouse was in the street and couldn’t climb the curb to get into the grass.  So Pops helped it up.  Maybe he could have been a little less passionate and brought that yummy mouse back home to me.  Just purrin’.

 

Earlier this week, I found a big, ugly, bruise-mark on my arm.  It didn’t hurt and I don’t remember bumping into anything, so I ignored it.  My wife said it was nothing to worry about, but Daughter-Abby said it was a spider-bite and I should go to Emergency Care.  Neither of those charming and loving people has a medical degree, so I decided to call my doctor.  His staff was very efficient, and, after three conversations and an exchange of pictures, the staff notified me that the doctor wanted to see it.  So I went, and even though I knew it was nothing, I was nervous.  I’m always a little edgy when I see a doctor.  You never know when a doctor is going to examine you, then look you in the eye and say, “Do you want the shiva to be one night or two?”  The doctor examined me, looked me in the eye and said, “We need an ultrasound to see if there’s a blood clot.”

 

Ok, I walked over to the hospital and registered for the ultrasound.  And I waited!  After 90 minutes of sitting and reading (I always have a book; this one was Sweet Thursday by John Steinbeck), I became restless.  Well, I asked myself, what would Carol or Daughter-Jennifer do under these circumstances?  And the answer came to me – exercise!  Jennifer would just start doing pushups in the middle of the waiting room.  That’s not for me, but Carol would take a power walk.  That sounded good, so I began walking the hospital corridors, making sure I was always close enough to hear my name when it was called.  Back and forth, forth and back.  Two employees of the hospital actually stopped me and gave me directions to the Psycho Ward.  After about 15 minutes of power-walking, I heard my name called.

 

To get ready for my ultrasound,

I took off my clothes and lay down.

I finished it all

Then walked back down the hall

With my butt sticking out of my gown.

 

No, I’m teasing.  I didn’t have to put on a hospital gown, but I thought the image might be amusing – and frightening.  The results were negative, no blood clot, just a bruise.  Maybe my wife does have a medical degree.

 

My family is lovable, sensational, irrepressible and irreplaceable.  But friends are nice too.  I have a friend who is a talented artist and loves to paint birds, especially chickens.  We were together some months ago and I showed her a picture of Misty, one of my daughter’s roosters.  Misty is a very attractive boy.  I must have sent my friend the picture, though I don’t remember.  Today, after golf, she gave me a painting of Misty.  It was beautiful and I was touched with her friendship.  It is a good person who gets pleasure out of doing nice things.  Thank you to my talented, thoughtful and very sweet friend.  That was a special gift.

 

And now back to the rest of you mugs.  What do I always tell you to do at the end of each blog?  All together now:  Stay well and count our blessings.  Good job.  I have you well-trained.  See you in a week.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com