Blog #209

 

This is it!  I’m fed up with the Cancel Culture.  They killed the Boy Scouts; they tore down statues of the Founding Fathers.  They hate everything from the National Anthem to Mr. Potato Head.  And now they’re attacking Dr. Seuss.  These people say they’re all about love and acceptance but they hate everybody and reject everything.

 

I grew up with Dr. Seuss.  My favorite was If I Ran the Circus which came out when I was ten.  I read Dr. Seuss books to all my children and grandchildren.  When Dr. Seuss died in 1991, I wrote a “Dr. Seuss” book and sent it to his publisher.  I wanted to be his replacement – Seuss the Deuce.  The book was about a 10-year-old girl named Mary Elizabeth Mildred McNee who decided she wanted to be President when she grew up.  It started like this:

 

There’s really no limit, said Mr. Fitzbone,

To the list of the things you can do when you’re grown.

You could be a teacher, a lawyer, a judge,

A baker of biscuits, a maker of fudge;

 

You might get a job like Farina Jo Nems

Who paints little letters on red M&M’s.

You could be a farmer or make roller skates

Or maybe the President of the United States.

 

It went on for another thirty pages or so.  It was adorable.  It was clever.  It was relevant.  It was rejected.  Dr. Seuss has brought more joy and laughter and messages of love and acceptance to children around the world than any author I can think of: 

·        Messages of self-image: A person’s a person no matter how small.  Horton Hears a Who!

·        Messages of empowerment: You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

·        Messages of environmentalism:  Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  The Lorax.

 

These cancel people are unhappy with their lives and they want to erase anything and everything that makes you happy or proud.  Don’t let them.  Strangely enough, Dr. Seuss would have embraced even them.  He accepted everyone.

 

Well now they’ve attacked Dr. Seuss

There really is just no excuse

But Seuss said for certain

“A person’s a person

“No matter how mean or obtuse”

 

The Weekly Word is obtuse which means annoyingly insensitive.  Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you’re feeling well.  In retrospect, I’ve decided to consider the year 2020 a Dog Year – you know, where the dog lives one year but gets seven years older.  That’s how 2020 was for me.

 

I neglected to tell you last week that on March 3^rd I had another eye surgery, a cornea transplant.  I didn’t want you to worry about all the blood and gore and guts and pain.  Actually, it went well – no blood or gore and only a little pain.  The plan now is that, once it has healed, I’m supposed to be able to see out of that left eye.  Well, we shall see – or not.

 

The operation required an irritating recovery period during which I had to lie on my back with my nose facing the ceiling for long periods of time.  For the first 48 hours after surgery, I was in that cadaver position for 42 hours.  I spent more time on my back than the Happy Hooker.  Well, it gave me lots of time to think of erudite, illuminating and humorous things to write for you.  But I didn’t, so we’ll have to stick with the same old drivel.

 

Don’t forget that on Saturday, you will need to change to Daylight Savings Time. I’m not really good at either Springing Forward or Falling Back, although I am becoming an expert at Lying Down.  So when I get up on Sunday, I won’t be sure whether it’s 6:30 or 8:30 or even Sunday.  In Arizona, they don’t change the clocks.  They know how to keep time in Arizona.  And it’s a dry time too.

 

Whenever I am recovering from something, Carol puts a bell on the nightstand, and when I ring the bell, she magically appears like a Fairy Godmother to minister to my needs. This week, I did not use the bell even once, so she awarded me the No-Bell Prize. 

 

Message from Shakespeare:  O sleep! O gentle sleep! Nature’s soft nurse (Henry IV, Part 2.  I have sat with Pops all week, trying to be a good nurse and then he says stupid things like 2020 was a Dog Year.  It was a Cat Year, of course.  It was the year he adopted me.  Sometimes he’s such a dumb dog.  Purr.

 

My oldest grandson, Zachary is a sophomore at Duke and is very, very busy.  Too busy, apparently, to call his aging grandparents.  We try to contact him, but he always responds that he can’t talk now; he’s busy.  So imagine my glee when I received a text: POPPY, I WILL HAVE SOME TIME TO CALL YOU THIS WEEK.  That was two weeks ago.  Have you heard from him?  Me neither.  So today I sent him a text:  ZACH, I’M WORRIED ABOUT NONNIE.  SHE HAS LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT.  I ASKED HER WHY SHE’S NOT EATING.  SHE SAID SHE DIDN’T WANT HER MOUTH TO BE FULL IN CASE YOU CALLED.  I know that’s an old joke, but he probably has never heard it.  It worked.  He called and we had a great talk for 45 minutes.  He’s such a good boy!

 

It’s now the end of the week and the results are in – my eye operation was a grand success.  I can already see better than I have in years and I feel rested after lying down longer than Rip Van Winkle.  Do you know who wrote the story of Rip Van Winkle?  No, not the Brothers Grim, not Mother Goose, not Dr. Seuss.  It was Washington Irving.  By the way, if you need an eye doctor in St. Louis, I recommend Dr. Geoffrey Hill.  He did a great job on my eye and is one of the good guys besides.

 

Ok, time to go.  Stay well, count your blessings and read a Dr. Seuss book to a kid.  You’re never too old, too wacky, too wild to pick up a book and read to a child (Dr. Seuss.)  See you next week.

 

Seuss the Deuce                                 Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com