Blog # 121

Happy Fourth of July to everyone.  It was in 1776 that our Founding Fathers, “preferring hard liberty before the easy yoke of servile pomp” decided to declare independence from England.  We wanted our own government, our own laws, and our own version of American Idol.  Yet we reserved the right to go absolutely bonkers every time one of their royalty gets married or has a baby.  The quote about “preferring hard liberty” is from John Milton’s Paradise Lost, a tough read, but worth it in spades!  I get my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine.

Hi there, and welcome back.  I hope you’re feeling just plummy on this National Holiday.  Plummy is like peachy, only juicier.  Anyway, on this Independence Day, you will see a lot of American Flags.  Most of them, sadly, will be in Iran.  Every video we see from Iran these days shows our lovely Persian friends burning our flag.  Here’s what I want to know – where do they get all these American flags?  If they hate us so much, how come every Iranian has our flag in his pocket?  Is there a factory in Iran that makes American flags?  Where do they all come from?  I think I know.  I think Donald Trump has made a deal to send shiploads of flags, suitable for burning, to the Ayatollahs in exchange for crude oil.  He even sent a Tweet about it:

As long as you’re so filled with hate

We’ll send you our flags by the crate

The more that you burn

The more we will earn

To help KEEP AMERICA GREAT.

I don’t know about Trump’s new campaign slogan – Keep America Great.  At least Make America Great Again could be shortened into something rhythmic – “MAGA Hats”.  But are they going to make KAG Hats?  That has no rhythm, no appeal.  I have a modest suggestion for a new slogan – Forever Loving America’s Greatness.  That will shorten to FLAG and, of course, FLAG Hats, cute little red, white and blue numbers that will sell like earplugs at a Joy Behar speech.  And even if he loses the election, he can sell the leftover hats to Iran and still make a bundle.

Maybe Nike can ship Iran all the Betsy Ross flag shoes they’ve decided not to sell.  You know, those Betsy Ross flags contain 13 stars in a circle, strangely resembling a zero, the exact number of NFL teams that want Colin Kaepernick.  Perhaps Colin can go over there and lead the Anti-American rally, maybe light the first pair.  And as for Nike -- Swoosh this!

We spent last week on Bald Head Island, a spectacular North Carolina barrier island with no bridges, no cars, no hotels, no movie theaters.  We rented a house with two golf carts – wife, children, sons-in-law, grandkids.  Fifteen of us and two dogs – 38 feet which all seemed to stomp past my room at 7:30 each morning.

Everything was fabulous.  But I have one disturbing episode to share with you.  While walking the beach, I came upon a group of men fishing from the shore.  One of them reeled in a shark, 4 to 4½ feet.   They dragged it out, took a bunch of selfies, cut the fishing line, leaving the hook embedded in the shark’s mouth, then dragged it back to the shore where it swam away.  I have lots of friends who fish.  They are good people whom I like and respect, and if you are one of them, please don’t read the next paragraph.

If you eat the fish, great.  We have to eat.  But to torture an animal just to have a fleeting moment of superiority and a selfie, count me out.  I have never caught a fish or shot a gun.  It’s not me.

Ok, you fisher-people can come back now.  I’m through preaching.  We drove back from Bald Head (oceans, sand dunes, beaches, spectacular untrampled wilderness) to St. Louis where the closest we get to an ocean is Captain D’s.  During all the hours in the car, the three grandkids had their screens and their headphones.  It just makes me think you could drive the young generation through a magical landscape full of mythical creatures like unicorns, leprechauns, mermaids, sprites, satyrs, honest politicians, and the whole time, the only thing the kids would see would be MINECRAFT or YouTube.  What a pity.

ITEM:  It is so hot in France that the Mona Lisa has stopped smiling.  

ITEM:  Presidential hopeful, Marianne Williamson, made such a negative impression during the Democrat Debates that Republicans are actually donating to her campaign so that the public can see more of her goofy and irrational opinions.  That sounds pretty goofy and irrational to me.

ITEM:  It is so hot in France that the last remaining descendant of Marie Antoinette was quoted as saying, “Let them eat ice-cream.” 

ITEM:  President Trump’s gesture of stepping foot on North Korean soil has received unanimous worldwide acclaim.  World leaders everywhere have expressed joy in seeing that the President has found someplace to put his foot other than in his mouth.

ITEM:  The last citizen of France that was this hot was Joan of Arc.

ITEM:  The new trend in musical concerts is the Silent Concert.  The only audio from the stage is wireless and broadcast to headphones worn by each member of the audience.  I’m serious.  Everyone gets perfect reception and the neighbors don’t hear a thing.  As my favorite Wicked Witch once said, What a world!  What a world!  And, no, I did not mean Carol.  Shame on you.

Which reminds me, I haven’t mentioned her name at all this week, but last Tuesday was a very special day for my dear wife.  It’s the day she’d been waiting for with unbridled anticipation, a day of fun and wondrous gifts, a day to laugh and celebrate – that’s right, it was Senior Day at Walgreen’s.  Oh, it was also her birthday.  Happy Birthday, Honey.

It’s getting late, time to go.  Enjoy your holiday weekend, stay well, count your blessings and come back to me next week.  I’m not sure what I’d do without you. 

Michael                          Send comments to:  mfox1746@gmail.com