Blog #497                                September 17, 2026

 

Happy New Year to all my Jewish readers.  It is the Year 5787 of the Hebrew Calendar.  God, why, when You made us Your Chosen People, did you also make so many people who hate us?  You must have had a reason, but I am too humble and it is not for me to know.  We pray for a better tomorrow.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  God shall be my hope (Henry V).  Pops is Jewish and Nonnie is Jewish, so I guess that makes me a Jewish cat.  You can call me Katz.  And this is my favorite holiday – Yom Ki-Purr.

 

Ok, let’s move on to what Limerick Oyster is all about – to give you a smile every week, to teach you a new word, to let you talk to my cat.  And also, to tell you what ticks me off.  Last week it was stamps with flags on them and the Lindsay Clancy trial.  This week it’s tennis.  I was watching the men’s semi-final at the U.S. Open Tennis Championship, when I noticed the Chair Umpire was a woman from France.  FRANCE!  We have 350 million people in this country.  Can we not find an American to umpire at the US OPEN?  France has a tournament too.  But France would no sooner allow an American to umpire their tournament than they would rename the Eiffel Tower and call it the Trump Tower.  I mean, what does the umpire actually do?  The machines call the lines and keep the score.  The only thing the umpire says is, “Let, first service.”  With a French accent!  We need to get an American to umpire the American tournament!

 

Hi there and welcome back.  Are you still with me?  Stick around, I’ll calm down eventually.  I hope you’re feeling well and ready for Fall.  It’s September already, and that means the schools are open and the elections are only two months away.  Who are you going to vote for?  How can you tell?  If you watch CNN you get one set of facts, but if you watch FOX you get a different set.  It’s like going to a baseball game where all the Cardinal fans thought the guy was safe but all the Cub fans thought he was out.  And all the white folks thought O.J. was guilty while all the black folks thought he was innocent.  I’m not sure truth has any meaning anymore.  But then your truth might not be the same as mine.

 

Don’t listen to their candidate

In the “What Two and Two Is” Debate

He’ll use dirty tricks

To convince you it’s six

When everyone knows that it’s eight.

 

William Blake said, “the tree which moves someone to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing which stands in the way.”  We look at things today with such radically opposed points of view, it’s amazing that we haven’t started another Civil War.  Except, after listening to all the hate-filled and profane rhetoric on both sides, we’ll have to call it The Uncivil War. 

 

There will be some differences, however, between the old war and the new. That old one was between the North and the South; this is between the Left and the Right.  That was between the Blue and the Gray; this is between the Red States and the Blue States.  In the Civil War, both sides had guns.  In the Uncivil War only one side has guns.  Now that’s an interesting thought.  But it’s ok because the other side has poster-board and magic markers.  There’s even a new Japanese car especially designed for sign-carrying protest marchers with special compartments for cardboard and crayons.  It’s called the Toyota Crayola.

 

In 1839, Edward Bulwer-Lytton coined the phrase the pen is mightier than the sword.  I’m not sure, however, that the crayon is mightier than the AK-47.  If it gets any worse, I might have to leave the country.  Maybe I’ll go to California.  That’s not part of America anymore, is it?

 

And speaking of voting, our Congressional representatives tend to be disappointing, don’t they?  As Will Rogers said, “Taxpayers are sending Congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.”

 

That was the third obscure person I have quoted so far.  No more, I promise!  You might begin to think I’m not clever enough to write my own lines.  Let’s talk about my family.  My family was a bizarre anomaly.  I have spoken about my older brother many times in my blogs.  He was one of the strangest people I have ever known.  And my sister married an older guy.  She was 47 and he was 92.  It’s a long story, but absolutely true.  My sister was crazy -- half Baby Jane and half Sybil.  In fact, when I was growing up my family made the Addams Family look like Ozzie and Harriet.  It’s a miracle I turned out so perfectly normal!  The man she married was named Bill, and he was so old, he told me the first president he had voted for was McKinley. One time Bill told me that he was in the hospital recuperating from something when a member of the clergy visited his room to offer prayers for a speedy recovery.  The clergy person asked if there was anything else bothering him, and Bill responded that yes, he did have a problem.  He was constipated.  So the clergy person scribbled a prayer for him.  This is all true!  I was hysterical.  A prayer to relieve constipation?  This must be a joke, but no, I looked it up.  Here are some of the highlights.

 

The Lord is my shepherd

His figs and his prunes, they comfort me

He preparest a table in the presence of mine enemas

He restoreth my stool.

 

And, as you know, when I start talking potty, it’s time to go.  At least I didn’t talk about anything runnething over.  But I do need to talk about anomaly, our Weekly Word.  An anomaly is something that deviates from the standard, normal or expected.  Like me.  There, now I’m finished.

 

Please stay well, count your blessings and be regular.  I’ll be back next week.  Can you wait that long?  And whether it is 5787 or 2026 on your calendar, may you have a happy and peaceful week

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com