Blog #488                                July 16, 2026

 

Have you been enthralled by the World Cup?  It’s down to Spain and Argentina for the final game on Sunday.  I have really enjoyed the enthusiasm of the fans and the professionalism of the logistics which have gone into the planning and execution of an event encompassing 104 games in multiple cities in three countries over five or six weeks.  I am very proud of the way America has welcomed the fans and organized the games.  Remarkable!  I hope it’s not the last World Cup I get to see.

 

Message from Shakespeare, the three-legged cat:  Am I so round with you as you with me, That like a football you do spurn me thus?(Comedy of Errors).  Hold on, Pops.  You’d better be here for lots more World Cups.  Who else is going to watch with me?  I wish I could play, but that missing leg is a problem.  If I had all my legs, I’d be another Messi.  They’d call me Pussi.  But I can root for the Persian Cats and the Siamese Cats.  Of course, Persia has changed its name to Iran and Siam has changed to Thailand.  Oh well, next time I’ll just root for Purr-u.  Meow.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  I love when you come back.  Are you still celebrating the Fourth of July?  I think we should move the holiday to the middle of December.  In December, we could start the fireworks at 5:00 when it gets dark, eat some ribs and be in bed by 8:00.  In July, it doesn’t get dark until 9:00 and we get home way too late.  I need my beauty sleep.  Don’t you dare send me a snarky little response to that!

 

I hope in your celebrations you were abstemious and didn’t get burned or drunk or fat, and that you’re feeling fine, but if you’ve recently been to a kid’s birthday party, I’m worried for you.  I will never forget my granddaughter’s birthday party a few years ago.  There were about 15 kids plus their parents all huddled in the basement sharing pizza, coughs, cupcakes, sneezes, air and bodily fluids.  It was great fun.  I had door duty and greeted the parents. 

 

Thanks for your presents and sneezes

The sniffles, the coughs and the wheezes

We’re glad you could come

With your bacterium

And share your infectious diseases.

 

Naturally, my granddaughter got sick.  The doctor said it was Fifth Disease.  Have you ever heard of that?  Google has, so it must be real.  I wonder if there is a Fourth or a Sixth disease.  Hang on, I’ll be right back.  Shazam!  Google tells me that there is a sextet of numbered children’s diseases.  Here they are: First Disease – Rubeola; Second Disease – Scarlet Fever; Third Disease – Rubella; Fourth Disease – Filatov-Dukes’ disease; Fifth Disease – Erythema Infectiosum; and, Sixth Disease – Roseola.

 

Weekly Word:  Abstemious:  marked by restraint, especially in food or alcohol.

 

Carol told me she had been trying to get a refund on something she bought and the woman on the phone had given her a hard time.  “You talk to her”, she said, “a man does better than a woman.”  She thinks I can get this woman to give in where she could not?  Me, who has been browbeaten, ordered around and basically enslaved by my wife and three daughters for so long that the sight of a lipstick makes me shake more uncontrollably than the thought of wearing linen in October?  She thinks I can convince a female on the phone to do what I want?

 

But I will try – yes, this strong, persuasive epitome of dominant manhood will do exactly as his diminutive wife tells him to do.  And after that mean old woman on the phone tells me I can’t have my refund and my clothes don’t match, I’ll let my oldest daughter do it.  That phone lady will be in trouble then!

 

If a man speaks in a forest and there’s no-one there, is he still wrong?

 

I do get my way sometimes.  The last time was my birthday – in January.  Our friends were going to take me out and Carol said we could go anywhere I wanted.  After all, it was my birthday.  I said I really like XYZ.  “Well,” she said, “XYZ is noisy and doesn’t have a round table for ten, but ABC does.  You like that, don’t you?”  Well, sure, I said.  At least she was happy, and you know that our marriage is a success because we have the same goal in life – to keep her happy.

 

I decided to take my two local grandsons to a movie, Jurassic Park XXXVII.  Go to the movie early, wait in line, buy the tickets, enjoy – right?  Not anymore.  No, I had to go online, sign up for some kind of Dango something, pick my seats, the size of the screen and how many dimensions I wanted.  I had less options on the last car I bought. Then I had to come up with a password, give them a credit card, pay a service fee and tell them who my fifth-grade teacher was (Mr. Diamond).  I could have applied for citizenship to North Korea in less time.  By the time I was done, I no longer wanted to see the movie, or a computer, or my grandsons!  Why is everything so ridiculously complicated?  I want my world back.

 

In my world, we went to see two movies at once.  We sat in a seat with gum stuck to the bottom and ate popcorn with butter.  Today, the seats recline, heat our behinds, massage our feet, blow cold air on our hair, rub our necks.  In my world, there were places that did all that, but they didn’t show movies and not even my father was allowed to go there.  And now I can’t even get butter on my popcorn or the Cholesterol Police with tell my wife.  I want my world back.

 

And I want you back too, so make a note to come see me next week.  Or, if you’re such a hi-tech, modern smart-ass, put it on your Google Calendar.  However you do it, be back a week from today and see who I’m mad at then.  I hope it’s not you, so you’d better behave.  In the meantime, stay well and count your blessings.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com