Blog #466                                February 12, 2026

 

Do you remember our Weekly Word last week?  It was philippic, and it meant a bitter attack or tirade. Well, I’m about to go on one.  Fasten your seatbelts.  The Winter Olympics have begun, but I can’t get excited about them.  Here’s why:

 

·        I am currently at home watching Olympic Curling.  That’s the event where they slide a big rock (which they call a stone) down the ice while sweeping its path with a broom (which they call a broom).  It’s played like Shuffleboard or Bocce and has all the excitement of a Lawrence Welk accordion solo.  I know you have to be good to compete, but would you call that “athletic prowess”?  Should darts be an Olympic sport?  Or chess?  How about canasta?  To me, Curling is a Winter Olympic embarrassment. 

·        And some of the newer events are too strange and silly for me.  Seriously, skiing should be one event – Downhill.  The one who gets there first wins.  I like things simple.  But now there is skiing with little zig-zags, skiing with big zig-zags, skiing over bumps, skiing over bumps while doing somersaults.  There’s skiing and shooting.  Now there’s a sport for you! It’s called Biathlon.  Ski for an hour, then start shooting the guy ahead of you.  That’s what the Darwinian spirit is all about.  It certainly isn’t about survival of the sweeper.

·        Many Winter Olympic events, Bobsled, Luge, Ski Jumping are nothing but a combination of nerve and gravity.  I know they take skill, but they’re just not interesting to watch.

·        Snoop Dog is an honorary torch bearer.  Yes, the same Snoop Dog that gave us the lyrics "Bitches ain't sh*t but hoes and tricks” and other wholesome and memorable obloquies.  Maybe we should let Harvey Weinstein sell T-shirts and Bill Cosby give out the medals.

·        I don’t like sports that are decided by style and grace.  Ice skating, for instance.  The Olympic Motto is Faster, Higher, Stronger.  It is not Cuter, Biggest Smile, Best Hair-do.   The gold medal for the downhill skiing event is given to the skier who gets to the finish line the fastest.  Nobody cares what he (or she) is wearing, or whether he’s got his fingers in his ears or his hand up his ass.  Get there first and you win!

 

While curling contestants are sweeping

It’s Snoop Doggie’s lyrics I’m bleeping

If I have to choose

Between watching the Luge

And taking a nap – I’ll be sleeping.

 

And what does my wife think?  It’s always fun watching the events with Carol.  We were watching the figure skating last night.  The announcers – you know, the blonde lady and the guy whose hair looks like a pineapple?  Well, these announcers were describing the triple flippers and the quadruple moocows and the quintuple lollipops.  The skaters were magical, flying down the ice and soaring through the air.  And you know what Carol said?  “I don’t like her outfit.”  These skaters have practiced for thousands of hours – exercised, suffered, sacrificed.  They are superb and seasoned athletes.  But one polka-dot out of place?  Get the hook!

 

Message from Shakespeare, the three-legged cat:  That is my home of love (Sonnet 109).  Cats have a winter sport.  It’s called Purr-ling.  We slide a dead mouse across the kitchen floor until it gets stuck under the refrigerator.  I’m not good at Purr-ling because I’m missing a leg, but I used to like watching the other cats play back at the shelter.  I’m really happy to be away from the shelter and living in my wonderful home.  Thank you, Pops.  Purr.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you are feeling well.  Did you enjoy the Super Bowl?  How about Bad Bunny?  Or was it Kid Rock?  What have we come to in this country?  We cannot have a State of the Union address by the President without having a Response by the opposition.  Now, we can’t even have a Super Bowl halftime show without having an alternative performer on a different station.  Do we have to protest everything?  Is it just because Bad Bunny speaks Spanish?  Well, actually, Football is basically an American sport, though they play a version of it in Canada, and the Super Bowl is one of the most celebrated days of the year.  I think it was pretty strange to have the halftime entertainment in Spanish.  I’ve heard that next year, they’re planning to sing the Star-Spangled Banner in Spanish.  It starts:  Jose, can you see?  To tell the truth, who cares what language he performs in?  He could speak English, Spanish, Vietnamese or Esperanto and I still wouldn’t know what he was talking about. 

 

Here’s something I care about –shingles.  A friend of mine just got shingles.  I’ve had it before. What a ridiculous name for a disease!  It sounds like some kind of building material, as if the doctor said you had acute drywall.  Or hardening of the concrete or a pain in the asphalt.  There actually is a medical condition very much akin to construction, and a lot of my friends have it.  It’s called having a screw loose.

 

And speaking of names for diseases, I think history will come to show that constant cell-phone usage will prove to have been a mistake.  I see those teen-aged thumbs texting and clicking and clacking four miles a minute and I just know in a few years there will be some disability attributable to it all.  So naturally I have begun to come up with some names.  It pays to think ahead.   How about:  Thummy-ache or Digitalis or even Textually Transmitted Disease?

 

Back to the Super Bowl.  It’s just me, I’m sure, but I couldn’t seem to understand what the Super Bowl commercials were trying to promote.  There were a lot of graphics and movement and music, but when it was all over, I didn’t know what they were selling.  Except the Budweiser ad, of course.  I loved the little Clydesdale.

 

Obloquy, of course, is our Weekly Word.  An obloquy is strongly condemnatory and abusive language.

 

I have to go now; I’m exhausted.  Being clever and witty tires me out.  And thank goodness I can’t hear any of your smart-aleck comments to that!  Maybe I’ll write next week’s issue in Spanish.  Let’s see how you like that, mis amigos.  Hasta luego, stay well and count your blessings.

 

Conejito Malo                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com