Blog #246                                         November 25, 2021

 

Happy Thanksgiving Day to every one of you.  Thanksgiving is a unique and introspective day where we give voice to all the blessings we have.  We are truly thankful for our family and friends; I don’t need to tell you that.  And as for those that we have lost and sorely miss, they are blessings as well. “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”  That’s a quote, believe it or not, from Dr. Seuss, my favorite poet, and it should remind us to be grateful for the memories that mean so much to us.  We are also thankful for our own lives.  Yes, we may have health issues -- aches, pains or more serious challenges – but look at it this way: we’re doing the best we can, we’re still here and we are way better off than the turkey.  And, yes, there are people who are richer, younger, better-looking.  But we have love and warmth and a wonderful meal to share.  Have a good day, and thank you for giving me the chance to talk to you every week.

 

And speaking of carving a turkey, I just read that Germany has officially declared circumcision an act of “bodily harm” and has banned the procedure.  The article goes on to say that Germany’s 4,000,000 Muslims and 100,000 Jews are protesting the decision.  100,000 Jews?  That’s all Germany has?  I wonder why.  Maybe it’s because the Germans murdered all their Jews.  So now Germany joins San Francisco in banning circumcision.  I have no axe to grind here (wow, that’s an ugly metaphor under the circumstances) but it seems that 6,000 years of circumcision haven’t hurt the Jews much.

 

I am writing this from North Carolina where I am currently visiting my daughter Jennifer.  Right now, she is down at her chicken coop, which in Haiti would be a six-family.  One of her chickens has lately been exhibiting signs of depression.  The technical term, I think, is “Down in the Dumplings.”  So Jen is wish-boning up with a textbook on chicken psychology.  The book is called Freud Chicken.  I have more chicken jokes than Andrew Cuomo has victims.

 

Jennnifer always buys us a present when we come to visit.  This time she got us something marked Dead Sea Mineral Soap.  I don’t mean to burst any of her soap bubbles, but it is as a result of those minerals that nothing can live in the Dead Sea.  Hence the name DEAD.  I want soap with minerals from the Really Alive and Thriving Sea.  I mean why should I want to rub myself with stuff that causes instantaneous death to any marine creature it touches?  But that’s just me. 

 

Hi there and welcome to the Thanksgiving Edition of whatever this is.  I hope you’re feeling well and exceedingly hungry.  I am both of those things and also very thankful for a spectacular family, great friends and good health.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks (Twelfth Night).  I’m in St. Louis – alone.  I am very thankful to have a warm house, three good legs and a loving family, even though they’re leaving me alone on Thanksgiving.  But I’m also thankful for my nice neighbors who will come play with me.  Purr.

 

Of course, I am very thankful to be alive.  I have many friends who use the old line that goes, “I read the paper every morning and if my name is not in the obituaries, it’s a good day.”  I don’t bother reading the obituaries.  I figure if I’m dead, somebody’s going to tell me.  And besides, reading the obits depresses me.  It makes me realize how many people I didn’t know.  If I shook hands with a stranger every second, 24 hours a day, it would take me 236 years to shake hands with every person on Earth.  And I still wouldn’t find anybody else who has read Moby Dick five times. 

 

And now that it’s Thanksgiving, Christmas is just a big credit-card bill away.  I’m beginning to hum Christmas songs already.  There are so many new songs this season, that there’s a Christmas Special next week just to introduce all the new carols.  Here’s the lineup:

 

·        Joe Biden sings All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Trillion Dollars

·        Joy Behar sings You’re a Mean One, Mr. Trump

·        There’s the Progressive Singers with Oh Ka-ma-la Faithful

·        And the KKK Khorus singing I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas

·        Cheech and Chong sing Angels We Should All Get High

·        AOC hums It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Russia

·        The Portland City Council sings Jesse Jackson’s Coming to Town

·        Mitch McConnell sings Nancy Got Run Over by Joe Manchin

·        Even my cat Shakespeare will sing We Need a Little Christmas Meow

·        And the finale will include the entire staff of CNN singing Rittenhouse Roasting on an Open Fire

 

Just getting your Christmas gifts will be tough this year.  If you think the intractable supply chain is a problem, just think of what Santa has to put up with:

 

Delivering gifts is a task

That this year is too much to ask

I hear the bells ring

But I can’t see a thing

Because Rudolph is wearing a mask.

 

As long as we’re being festive with Thanksgiving mellowness and Christmas fun, how about a joke?  Young Billy was taking his heifer to the neighbor’s farm to be serviced by their bull.  Once he had put the heifer in the bull’s corral, he sat on a fence post, whereupon the farmer’s daughter, Ginnie came from the house and sat close next to him.  As they watched the bull and the heifer doing what they were doing, Ginnie pressed against Billy’s side and said, “Billy, ain’t this exciting?”  Sure is. says Billy.  I wished I were doing something like that.  “Well, Billy,” said Ginnie, “you can do anything you want.  It’s your heifer.”

 

Have we done the Weekly Word yet?  I guess not.  Let’s make it intractable which means hard to control or work with, unmanageable.  I can be that way sometimes, but mostly I’m a pussy cat.  Purr.  Wait, that’s Shakespeare’s line.

 

Ok, stop laughing.  Go eat your turkey and have a nice day.  Oh, stay well and count all those blessings.  It’s Thanksgiving.  See you next week.

 

Michael                                             Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com