Blog #241                                         October 21, 2021

 

In an embarrassing and frightening sign of our times, the Art Institute of Chicago has fired all of its docents.  Docents are volunteers who spend a considerable amount of time learning about art history in general and the Institute’s collections in particular, as well as organizing tours to inform and educate the patrons of the museum.  The problem is that most of the volunteers at the Institute are rich, white women and the management is filled with sanctimonious chagrin that its docent staff, who work for free, is not more diverse.  Here’s what the Chairman of the Institute said, “Critical self-reflection and participatory, recuperative action is required if we are to remain relevant to the changing audiences seeking connection to art.”  What?  Is that English?  Did Lewis Carroll write that?  I thought my stuff was a little flowery sometimes, but that was an entire hothouse of woke-babble!  The result is that the Art Institute has jettisoned more than a hundred dedicated, intelligent, hard-working volunteers because they were the wrong color.  As Thornton Wilder said, Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.     

My granddaughter recently told me that some new neighbors had moved in.  I asked if they had any kids.  Yes, she said, Alice and David.  They must be Chinese, I said.  She was stunned!  I was right!  I’m sure you have noticed that young American children are all Kaneesha and Fulton and Morgan and Meghan and Bryce and Beckett and Odin and Ahmad?  If you find an Alice or a David, I guarantee you they’re Chinese.

What happened to the good old names?  Good, solid names like Michael and Carol, Linda and Larry, Ward and June, Ozzie and Harriet, Ralph and Alice, George and Gracie?  Good old Mouseketeer names!   The first seven winners of the Scripps National Spelling Bee in the 1920s and 1930s were Frank, Pauline, Dean, Betty, Virginia, Helen and Ward.  The seven most recent winners were Vanya, Jairam, Ananya, Karthik, Rishik and Zaila.  I guess if they could spell their own names, they could spell anything.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you are feeling well and staying warm.  Are you ready for Halloween?  It’s only ten days away.  I think you should go as a witch.  No, no, don’t get insulted.  There are all kinds of witches.

 

·        You could be a good witch, like Glinda

·        Or a wicked witch like Almira Gulch.

·        You could be a male witch, which is called a Warlock

·        Or a female witch, which is called a Sorceress

·        Or a transgender witch, which is called a Switch.

·        Or you and some friends could be a whole gathering of witches, which is called The View.

 

Carol and I have a lot of wonderful friends, and we like to meet with them for dinner on Friday and Saturday nights.  We have spent the spring and summer weekends eating outside at restaurants.  All restaurants have tried to provide outdoor accommodations during Covid and we haven’t had problems.  But now, the weather is turning cool and outdoor conditions are no longer an option, so the plan has changed to:  let’s bring in food and eat in someone’s house.  I don’t like it.  I don’t like bringing in food.  It’s not hot and reheating ruins it.  Plus, if it’s wrong, you’re S-O-L.

 

My preference is to eat indoors.  We’ve all gotten three shots.  I have more holes in my left arm than a miniature golf course and Covid cases are dropping.  But do I get my way?  I’ll let you guess:

 

                             I do not like food that is old,

That’s been lying around getting cold.

But my beautiful mate,

With a smile, set me straight

“Just shut up and do what you’re told.”

 

It’s comforting to know your place in the world.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find (The Passionate Pilgrim).  I don’t have any cat friends.  I don’t know any other cats.  Pops is my best friend.  And I know he’s your friend too.  But I bet he doesn’t rub your belly.  If he does, call Carol.  Purr.

 

Along with the cooler weather and the approach of Halloween, the mornings are darker.  I decided the other day that I might do better picking out my clothes in the dark, so I just groped around the closet and pulled out the stuff that “felt” right.  When I was dressed, I walked into the front of the house for Carol to look me over.  An interesting combination, she said.  It’s a lot better than most days.  

 

I smiled and went for my annual physical.  It started with Dr. Doctor asking me how I felt.  “It’s not important how I feel,” I replied.  “What’s important is how my wife feels.”  Carol had instructed me to use my appointment to get an opinion about some pain in her back.  It is, after all, ALL ABOUT HER.  Last week, she came into my study one evening to talk to me.  “When’s your skin doctor appointment?”  I told her it was the next day.  “Mine’s in three weeks.  I want to switch appointments with you.”  I got up the next morning, called Dr. Skin’s office and, through an amalgam of honey-tongued persuasion, bribery, bald threats and pitiful begging, was able to switch the appointments.  As you know, my wife and I have the same goal in life – to make her happy!  At the end of my physical exam, the doctor said, “Everything looks fine.  I’ll see you next year.  And I like your outfit.”

 

Have you heard from Meghan and Harry lately, since they’ve been thrown out of the Royal Family like a couple of rotten plums?  I’ve heard a rumor that they are working on two new Netflix series called No Succession and Game of No Thrones.

 

Weekly Word:  Amalgam means a mixture or blend, and this edition has certainly been an amalgam of unconnected, uninteresting and unfunny paragraphs.  Just like always.  I hope you liked it and will come back next week.  Until then, stay well, count your blessings and try dressing in the dark.

 

Michael                                    Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com