LIMERICK    OYSTER

Blog #224                                June 24, 2021

 

We need to get some nuts and bolts out of the way.  Let me just condense it into a list.  I know you like lists.

 

1.     Starting this week, I will be sending Limerick Oyster to you directly every Thursday morning.

2.     If you were previously receiving my blog from Blogspot, they will no longer send it to you after July 31.  It will come directly from me.  Make sure the email from Michael Fox does not get lost in your SPAM filter.

3.     If you were previously receiving my blog from Carol, you will now be getting it directly from me instead.  Same caution about SPAM filter.

4.     If you are replying to an email directly from me, you can just use the REPLY feature.  Please use REPLY, not REPLY ALL.  I really love hearing from you.

5.     My blog will still be posted on Limerickoyster.blogspot.com if you care to read all 223 prior issues as a punishment for missing the Friends Reunion, but it will not be emailed by them.

6.     During the interim, you may receive the blog from two sources.  Go ahead and read it twice.  It might get better the second time.

 

Hi there and welcome back.  Did you get all that?  I didn’t think so, but we’ll work it all out together over the next few weeks.  Remember you can always get me at mfox1746@gmail.com if you’re having problems.  I hope you are feeling well today.  Let’s get started.

 

Carol and I now have a 65” Samsung television.  It’s smart, it’s colorful and it has two remotes and access to thousands of channels.  It’s actually the only thing in the house that my wife thinks is smart, other than herself.  Do you remember your Philco 16” black and white with three stations and a test pattern?  Why is it that over the decades, TVs have grown bigger but we seem to have shrunk?

 

It really is not a surprise

It’s there right in front of my eyes

The TVs got taller

While I’ve gotten smaller

And now we are both the same size.

 

I guess as I get older I’ll keep getting shorter and shorter until I get the call from Snow White telling me they’re looking for another dwarf.  Maybe they’ll call me Funny.  That would be nice.

 

Which makes me wonder what Disney character I most resemble.  I know, I can hear all of you yelling Dumbo.  That’s not nice.  Let’s see, there’s Captain Jack Sparrow, Aladdin, Prince Charming (somehow that always reminds me of years ago when we actually had cameras and we took the film to the camera shop to get it developed; then we’d sit around the house singing “Someday My Prints Will Come”).  I finally decided the Disney character I most resemble is Geppetto.   He’s the old man in Pinocchio who uses his experience and love to help mold little boys and girls out of their rough raw materials. I like that and I think I’ve accomplished that with my grandchildren.  Plus, it looks like my nose has grown a lot along the way.  What Disney character do you most resemble?  Sleeping Beauty?  No, most of you can’t sleep.  Cinderella?  No, you don’t do windows.  Aladdin’s Genie?  I’ve seen you in a bottle.  Goofy?  Just saying. 

 

 

Message from Shakespeare:  Give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet (Taming of the Shrew).  Do you know whose picture that is?  It’s Figaro, the cat from Pinocchio.  I guess that’s who I most resemble.  He’s okay looking, I guess, but my Pops says I’m the prettiest cat in the world.  Purr.

 

The St. Louis Zoo has finally decided to let its volunteer staff return to work, and last week I was there, in my Zoo cap and wide, green sash answering all the tourists’ questions.  Where’s the tiger?  Where’s the bathroom?  Where’s the Starbucks?  I know it all.  The Zoo was very crowded and I had a blast.  I was standing in front of the camels when a little girl asked me, “Hey, Mister, do you work here?”  The green sash was a giveaway and I answered yes.  “Well,” she continued, “how do you tell the girl camel from the boy camel?”  I looked at the girl’s mother and saw her give me a smirk as if to say, Okay, you superannuated, know-it-all, ridiculous-looking Girl Scout, how you gonna answer that to my 8-year-old daughter?  Undaunted, I looked at the little girl and replied, “The girl camel has bigger closets.”  The mother gave me a smile and said, “Damn straight!”

 

Monday was the first day of Summer and the longest day of the year.  It was even longer for me because I had a dentist appointment.  Going to the dentist is like being water-boarded by the Turkish Secret Police.  First of all, they lay you back in a position supremely uncomfortable to your back, your neck and your legs.  Then, the Torture Mistress, euphemistically known as a dental hygienist, attacks your mouth with an icepick in the right hand and a water cannon in the left.  The water piles up in the bottom of your mouth, blocking your throat and keeping you from breathing.  You’d like to swallow so you can breathe, but you really don’t want to swallow whatever it is she’s been painfully scraping off your teeth, the accumulated gunk that’s been piling up in your mouth for six months.  I thought I tasted a piece of a pistachio I ate in February.  And all this time, an intense bright light is shining in your eyes.  And the music sucks!  Finally, the ordeal ends and it’s time for the x-rays for which she inserts into your mouth a gizmo the size and feel of an outboard propeller blade.  Bite down and hold still.  There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?  Here’s a lollipop.

 

Our Weekly Word is superannuated, which means obsolete because of age or technological developments.  What a perfect description of me.  It’s my only opportunity to be described by a word that starts with “super”.

 

Well, you’ve made it through another week.  There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?  Here’s a lollipop.  Stay well, count your blessings and come back to me.  I’m leaving tomorrow for Bald Head Island to spend a week with all 16 members of my family, including eight grandchildren.  Wish me luck.

 

Funny                            Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com