Blog #205

 

Larry McMurtry, one of my favorite authors, says that the chief paradox of life is that the thing you most want is the thing you are least likely to get.  I cannot agree.  It seems to me that the thing I most wanted in life, at least when I was seventeen, was a small, cute, dark-haired girl I spotted in the High School cafeteria.  And I got her!  I’m still not sure how.  Yes, maybe I was a little smart and a little humorous.  Mostly I was completely devoted and easily trained, both very important to a smart girl.  But I certainly wasn’t remotely Rock Hudson-ish.  Of course, in retrospect, neither was Rock. 

 

Saint Augustine said, “Miracles are not contrary to nature, but only contrary to what we know about nature,” and to me, her choosing me was an absolute miracle.  To her, it was a project, and she has been diligently training me and protecting me for over 53 years.  Did I tell you she could multitask?

 

There is, in the Guinness World Records, a record for Multitasking.  They report it like this: Multitasking has taken on an entirely new meaning for one UT student who can recite the first 100 digits of the mathematical constant pi while solving a Rubik’s Cube and balancing 15 books on her head.  Pshaw!  You call that multitasking?  That’s only three things, not one of which is remotely useful.  I promise you that my wife would not be caught dead solving a Rubik’s Cube -- I might break a nail.  Or placing books on her head -- my hair!  Or memorizing the digits of pi – what a waste!  But Carol is the undisputed Queen of Multitasking.  This morning, for instance, I walked into the bedroom and found her simultaneously performing four tasks using four different electronic devices and four separate parts of her body:

 

·        Her feet were walking on the treadmill

·        Her eyes were watching the television

·        Her fingers were playing bridge on her iPad

·        Her ears were listening to a Podcast on her phone

 

And she still managed to use her mouth to tell me to change my shirt.  Five tasks at once.  I was so proud!   The woman just has a surfeit of internal energy.  She even has a sign hanging in the kitchen:  Don’t Just Sit There – Nag Your Husband.

 

Look, I’m not trying to make fun of people who multitask.  In fact, I’m jealous.  I cannot read and listen to music at the same time.  I cannot talk and drive.  It amazes me that I can, at the same time, breathe and write things like “Hi there, and welcome back.”

 

Hi there and welcome back.  I hope you are doing well and have gotten your vaccinations.  Did you watch the Super Bowl?  We had a Super Bowl party – Carol and me and the three-legged cat.  I remember Super Bowl parties when we all looked forward to the commercials.  They were funny and clever and tried to sell you Budweiser and Coke and Ford trucks.  This year they had commercials where, well, I didn’t understand what they were talking about or what product they were trying to sell or if they were even trying to sell something.  Maybe they were just trying to show you how “woke” they were.  I cannot remember the name of one advertiser.  It makes me feel old.  But Tom Brady made me feel young. 

 

I hope you are feeling mellow.  I am definitely not mellow.  Either my capacity for tolerance is rapidly declining or the world just has more aggravation than usual.  There’s this Dr. Fauci character.  You all know him.  A year ago, he told us that we did not need to wear masks.  Now, he says we need to wear two masks.  I’m confused. 

 

This two-mask advice, I don’t buy it

But Fauci says we should all try it

I’d much rather place

Upon Fauci’s face

A mask that would keep the man quiet.

 

I have written over 1,500 letters, blogs, essays, poems and songs.  It has always been a labor of love, but a labor nonetheless.  For example, I re-read and edit each of these blogs at least a dozen times before I publish.  I am obviously reading a book by Larry McMurtry because here’s another one of his thoughts: “To read oneself every morning and afternoon for more than a quarter of a century, as I have now done, is at best a strange chore.”  I have been doing it for 60 years now, and I must agree.  But it’s something I’m good at.  And believe me, I’m not good at much.

 

For instance, Carol plays canasta online.  She made a date with another couple, so I had to download an app called Canasta Junction onto my computer.  It was above my pay grade.  A stapler is above my pay grade.  Naturally, I called Abby, my St. Louis daughter.  Her 10-year-old’s quarantine is over, so she was looking forward to her first day with all three children at school.  And who shows up?  Her Dad, the biggest baby of them all.  I packed up my computer in the cat-carrier and, as soon as Shakespeare saw the case, he ran under a bed.  It took Abby less than a minute to install the canasta game.  Thanks, Abs.

 

Message from Shakespeare:  The best safety lies in fear (Hamlet).  I’m afraid of that bag he calls a cat carrier.  Each time Pops puts me in there, I wind up at the doctor.  This time he took that machine.  Poor machine -- I guess it has to go to the vet.  Purr.

 

Our Weekly Word is surfeit, which is an overabundant supply; an excess.  It is likely that, by now, you have had a surfeit of Limerick Oysters.  Well, you’re out of luck.  They just keep popping out.  So be here in seven days when the next one pops out.  All that’s left is making sure you stay well and count your blessings.  Do it!  Oh, and have a nice President’s Day.  Buy a sofa.  See you next week.

 

Michael                                             Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com