Blog #399 October 31, 2024
Do
you realize that, before you know it, monstrous villains and ghouls will be out
in the streets screaming and scaring the bejeebies out of you? No, not Halloween, I’m talking
about Election Day.
As
of this writing, the election is up for grabs.
When it is finally over, some of you will be as disappointed as the 4th
place finisher at the Olympics and the rest will be as happy as a flea on
a big dog.
I
know how they could get my vote. If a
candidate came on television and said, “I’m going to save a million trees
by not sending you all those big, glossy, thick-paper ads in the mail. Vote for me and save a tree.” That’s who I would vote for.
Now I hear that some election officials have
actually received death threats. If you
vote the wrong way or Tweet the wrong thing or support the wrong cause
nowadays, someone will start threatening to kill you. What a country! Death threats have become what Valentine
cards used to be when we were kids. You
just send them to everybody. Hallmark, never one to
let an opportunity go by, has just unveiled a new line of Death Threat Cards. Here’s my favorite:
Dear Donald,
We all know that
roses are red
I’d like to shoot
you in the head
Now violets are
blue
And I really hate
you
And I hope when
you get this – you’re dead.
Your Friend,
Joy
Even little children have been singing political
nursery rhymes:
Joe
and Jill went up the Hill
Into
the White House Tower
Joe
fell down and broke his crown
And
Kamala took power.
They even have new Christmas
songs: You’re a mean one, Mr. Trump and
Oh Kamala Faithful.
Hey, bring back Joe. At least he was old – like me. WRINKLED LIVES MATTER and we
want to be in the decision-making process.
I’m telling you folks, if you’re not at the table, you’re on the
menu. There are actually three
ex-presidents who were born the same year as me, 1946. They’re Clinton, Bush and Trump.
But
whether your lying, conniving, frightening candidate wins or the other side’s lying,
conniving, frightening candidate wins, we all need to move on, make peace and
deal with those parts of the Universe that we can actually handle. Like Daylight Savings Time.
Let’s
see – it’s Spring Forward and Fall Back, right? I think that’s what I’m supposed to do on
Saturday, but one year, I got so confused that I re-set the calendar instead of
the clock and woke up in March. Hey,
that’s not such a bad idea. Let’s
hibernate like a bear and maybe, by the time we wake up, winter will be over
and the television political ads will be gone and they’ll be finished counting
all the mail-in ballots.
Whatever
day or month it is, I’m back. And so are
you. Hi there and welcome. Are you going to dress up for Halloween? I’m going as Fred Flintstone. At least that’s who my wife said I looked
like after I put on my regular clothes. Halloween probably has roots in the fall
harvest festivals of ancient Celts. The
early Christians celebrated a holiday named All Hallows’ Day which was a day to
celebrate the upcoming harvest and give thanks to God. The night before this sacred day was called
All Hallows’ E’en (E’en being
short for evening if you were an ancient Celt who was in such a hurry that you
didn’t have time to pronounce three syllables.
Probably had to rush to get a good seat at the rock concert that night
-- The Rolling Stonehenge.) From Hallows and E’en, we got Halloween. What would you do without
me?
Message from
Shakespeare: Tis now the very witching time of night,
when churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes (Hamlet). I don’t go out
on Halloween. I don’t go out any
time. I’m happy here with my comfy
chairs and my windows to look out and my Pops to take care of me. Trick or Purr.
I
visited Dr. Doctor this week for my annual physical. All my numbers were terrific:
·
My
blood pressure is excellent. Of course,
I take two different blood pressure medications.
·
My
cholesterol is perfect. Of course, I
take a statin.
·
My
calcium is right on the money. Of
course, they had to slice my neck open last year and excise a parathyroid
gland.
·
My
heart rate is right on track. Of course,
I take a heart pill and have an electrical device implanted in my chest.
·
I’m
walking great. Of course, they had to
replace a hip.
·
And
my eyesight is wonderful. Of course,
I’ve had ten eye operations.
I’m
like one of those collage art works.
From ten feet away, it looks like Marilyn Monroe, but from up close,
it’s just a bunch of bottle caps and colored paper clips. Hey, God bless modern medicine.
Weekly
Word: Excise means to remove or cut
out surgically. That’s what I’d like to
do with all the political ads on television.
Aren’t they horrible! Freddy
the Fascist wants to take away your right to vote and cut out your womb. Ya,
but Sally the Socialist wants to open the border and let Haitian criminals rape
your dogs and eat your children. Every year they
get worse.
Well,
it’s time to wrap up. Here’s a good
quote: “In an American
election, there are no losers because whether or not our candidates are
successful, the next morning, we all wake up as Americans. And that is the greatest privilege and the
most remarkable good fortune that can come to us on Earth.”
John
Kerry said that in 2004, the year he lost to George W. Bush. We will all get a chance to vote, and the
world will move on. I’ll be here next
week. You’ll be here next week. Hey, why don’t we rent a barn and put on a
show? I’ll bring the hotdogs.
Whoever
wins, count your blessings and concentrate on making yourself and your loved
ones happy. That’s my
recommendation. I’ll send you a
bill. Or maybe I’ll just send you next
week’s blog. Please remember to fall
back on Saturday, vote on Tuesday, read my blog on Thursday and stay well every
day. See ya!
Michael Send
comments to mfox1746@gmail.com