Blog #429                                May 29, 2025

 

Ahoy there, and welcome back! This is the Pequod, bound round the world! Tell them to address all future letters to the Pacific Ocean. And this time three years, if I am not at home, tell them to address them to Hell!

 

I have just finished my seventh voyage aboard the Pequod.  Moby Dick has prevailed, Ahab is vanquished, the Pequod is no more.  Please, don’t ever read the book.  It’s a strange compilation of recondite whaling minutia and raving madness that would interest only a very strange person.  I, of course, am eminently qualified.  Plus, I’ve already ruined the ending for you.  People who like the Grateful Dead are called Dead Heads.  I wonder what they call people who like Moby Dick. 

 

Let’s have some fun, shall we?  A quiz!  Do not attempt this quiz unless you are old enough to remember when there was only one kind of Oreos and Pluto was a planet.  What’s with that anyway?  You can’t just eliminate a planet because you have a degree in Astronomy.  Nobody can just pop up and tell me that Pluto’s not a planet!  Or that Elvis is dead!  Or that Goofy was a dog!  If Goofy was a dog, what was Pluto?  Don’t you dare say “a planet”.

 

 Ok, the quiz -- here are some lines from oldies but goodies; name the song:

 

1.     Drove my Chevy to the levee

2.     I made it with a red-haired girl in a Chevrolet

3.     Someone stole my bran new Chevrolet

4.     Got an old, gold Chevy and a place of my own

5.     I took her for granted – I was so Cavalier

6.     He’s trading in his Chevy for a Cadillac

 

I’ll give you some time to think about it.  I hope you’re feeling well today.  St. Louis suffered a devastating tornado last week.  The damage even affected the Zoo, which had to close for a couple of days.  We missed the event, as you know, because we were vacationing on Bald Head Island with my three daughters.  What a wonderful trip – my favorite island with my favorite people and my favorite book.  I even managed to send last week’s blog from there.

 

On Thursday I sent my blog post

From an island just off the East Coast

Where we had perfect weather

For a whole week together

With the people that I love the most.

Recently I got a deal from eBay.  If I listed something for sale and sold it for more than $25 by a certain date, they would give me a $50 PayPal gift certificate.  So I did and I got the certificate.  It expired in only a few days, and I began to ponder about what to buy.  I mean, it’s the World of eBay!  Every possible item made or conceived or saved or dug up by the human race since the dawn of civilization is on eBay.  I have my choice from vast and unlimited selections of electronics, art, fashion, household items, sporting goods, vacations, automotive, luxury items, jewelry, collectibles, investments, nostalgia, antiques, futuristic, leisure.  Twinkies, false teeth, rubber bands, ANYTHING!  So what did Mr. Exciting decide to buy from this unbounded emporium of riches, this galactic cornucopia of wonders, this magnificent market of multifarious marvels?  I bought a year’s supply of fiber pills.  It is a sad and curious life, isn’t it?  Fiber pills. 

Message from Shakespeare:  A good leg will fall, a straight back will stoop (Henry V).  I wonder if I could buy an artificial leg on eBay.  Even Ahab in that stupid book had an artificial leg.  Maybe I could find it on that new ap for cats.  It’s called MewTube.  Or maybe I could buy Pops a new book.  I’m only six years old, and I’ve had to sniff through that book twice already.  Purr.

 

I chose multifarious to be our Weekly Word.  It means having great variety, diverse.  And as long as I am in a professorial mood, I’m going to teach you about cousins.  Are you ready?  If you have the same parents, you are siblings.  If you have the same grandparents, you are first cousins.  (Go on, pick a cousin, work it out.)  If you have the same great-grandparents, you are second cousins, and so on.  If your first cousin is Joe, then Joe’s daughter is your first cousin, once removed because she is one generation away from your first cousin.  Her kid would be your first cousin, twice removed.  Are you ready to blow your brains out yet?  Are you ready to blow my brains out?  I’d better stop.  Back to the Chevy Quiz:

 

Answers:

1.     American Pie – Don McLean

2.     Keepin’ the Faith – Billy Joel

3.     Neutron Dance - Pointer Sisters

4.     Crocodile Rock – Elton John

5.     She’s Out of My Life – Michael Jackson

6.     I’m Movin’ Out – Billy Joel

 

How’d you do?  I know -- it was on the tip of your tongue.  I have so many things on the tip of my tongue, it’s more crowded than a Taylor Swift concert.  I would let you send in your answers and then announce a winner, but winning is evil.  Didn’t you know that?  Participation is everything.  Winning is colonial, it’s master vs. slave, it’s supremacy, it’s not to be allowed.  Well, I don’t agree.  Winning is fun and a reward for hard work and preparation.  And losing is a good lesson.  It’s even ok to be pissed if you lose.  Vince Lombardi once said, “Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.”

 

It’s almost golf season for me.  I don’t play much golf.  I’m pretty bad, but sometimes I hit a few good shots.  The last time I played, I hit three good shots.  But they were all on the same hole and I got a birdie.  I guess it’s better to clump all your great things together instead of stringing them out.  If a baseball player hit five home runs in a year, nobody would care.  If he hit them all on the same day, he would be in the record-book forever.  If a guy wrote one funny thing every month, no big deal.  If he wrote dozens of funny things all at once – it would be Limerick Oyster.  Don’t miss it next week.  Until then, stay well and count your blessings.

 

Michael                          Send comments to mfox1746@gmail.com